How Early is Too Early?
It used to be that calling someone a “nerd” was a put down to some. Until, of course, movies such as “Revenge of the Nerds” in 1984 sent the message that being a nerd wasn’t so bad and could actually be pretty cool. It used to be that calling oneself a tomboy easily suggested that you were a girl who enjoyed dressing more like a boy and playing outdoors instead of inside the home with dolls. This was pretty much enough to help identify individuals around us as children. However, as time progressed, so did terminologies become more articulately defined. Now, instead of just nerd or tomboy, medical terms have found their way into describing the “specifics” of individuals. And yet, how much trust should we place on the medical industry to label our children? Even more, if when indeed, what is the line between necessary and unnecessary to create such “labels”?
At such early ages children are being exposed to awareness of oneself. While medically this could help a child by providing intervention at the onset of learning engagement, have all things been considered prior to allowing that sticker on their file essentially suggesting some red flag that they are either noted as “special” or “different”? If, for some reason, the child exhibits some behavior leading to concern, has there been any thought as to whether this way of behaving is most definitely innate, self-selected by the child or understandably a chosen phase or exploration due to his or her surrounding influences? After all, in actuality and in truth, do not children do as we do not do as we say? And to what is observed, is imminent danger for the child anticipated if this new concern not be resolved?
Loving to climb trees, embracing the scrapes and scratches from the endless attempts to climb higher before, once again, arriving to the wrath of trying to climb back down, rather than staying on the ground with a pretty, little dress on was all me as a child. It didn’t help that not wearing a dress like my older sister would only suggest that I put on the hand-me-downs of my three older brothers. As for loathing to be confined to the noise of my siblings to a point where I attempted several times to create my own space in tiny homes and apartments my parents rented has yet to fail my very character. Five children later, I have a “quiet room” as my confinement to escape moments interfering with my train of thoughts.
Do my behaviors make me odd? The inevitable humps and bumps on my body as it matured drew me to embrace any form of clothing not just to accentuate my maturing physique, but to draw out the character that was most definitely evolving from within me. Following my outgrowing of climbing trees there were phases of coloring, shaving, and cutting my hair that most definitely drew some questioning eyes my way. Additionally, when money limited any school clothes, the hand-me-downs I took apart and sewed to “newness” didn’t stop me from standing out as peculiarly odd even up until I made my own formal prom dress.
If it were not my husband and love for Zumba and other workout classes, I most likely would be found “missing” for days at home. The world and its people have always been a temporary need for connection to serve only necessary means, not a desire for me. Not great at investing time and nurturing friendships, I turn to my writing and documenting my thoughts and perspectives dually on videos as my data file of collected thought processes, most of which are still growing with me. Writing and talking to myself is and will always be my greatest comfort.
Devotedly married to the same man for almost three decades and having naturally birthed five children throughout the holy matrimony a cover up of me wanting to be anything else? Well, truthfully, I would still be climbing trees and sitting atop if I had the time to idle in such a way where demands below wouldn’t be in need of me. As for the duality of being deemed anti-social, in-affectionate, or acting “like such a robot” (as one of my siblings described my emotions) whereas I am in a world where I hardly am ever alone, those whom I have commingled with would be the first to tell you I am the least to hold back from speaking in a conversation. Contrarily, I would most likely be described as one taking the conversation hostage. I know at least one of my children can quote me to say that I use people as sponges when social means are prompted- they inadvertently soak in my thoughts and perspectives if I should have the time to converse. Exceptionally, I can find myself happily silenced, like a dry sponge myself, when sitting next to someone filled with so much wisdom and witticism- like an Ebook pricelessly being played before me, but with the gestures and perfect expressions to add to the richness of knowledge I happily devour before me. I will, but ever so rarely so, listen to that in utter silence!
Any diagnosis for me? Emigrating to America with hopes dwindling after years of failed attempts to be more than just an immigrant, thanks to such economical conditions of my parents, I have been thrusted into adulthood to find my way through, using the survival skills of the impecunious- combinations of code-switching to making do with whatever you have to do to find peace and happiness. Medical doctors for a low-income child in the 80’s? Watching Revenge of the Nerds was not only cheaper, but an inadvertent option to understanding how to fuse both cerebral components with feminine attributes, both of which, the world has tried to miserably convince me to believe cannot coexist in one embodiment.
I must ask now, if I somehow had the opportunity to be led to “find myself”, how would this have fared any differently for my becoming? I look and observe the opportunities prepared for this generation:
Schools are now allowing students to enter locker rooms not to their born gender identity as long as they have some legal arrangement to say just so as early as middle school years. Additionally, health classes may introduce self-awareness beyond one’s anatomy and ground basis of sexual education by addressing feelings for the same gender. Students with behavioral issues are given the right to attend general education classes as long as they have a medical diagnosis leading to an education plan that provides backing to their right to be included. And so, what if other children in locker rooms or classrooms find uneasiness in this environment?
While there are opportunities such as health class lessons allowing a parent/guardian to opt their child out of an unwanted health lesson, where a student is legally included in a classroom, unless substantial evidence shows a student to be disruptive or harmful to other students, no child may be excluded.
The law now protects all students, not just the majority, but all. As a serving voice for those who must adjust to such considerations, is this, however, all?
With continued exposure of well-to-do parents found to have coercively abused labels to benefit their child’s education well into college admission, we must ask ourselves, are we using labels as beneficial warrant or are they simply out of control? With such labels, are we doing more help or harm to our child? Being odd or different, at times, diagnosed or not, helped me to understand one vital theory in life- there will always be jerks like those in the Alpha Betas ostracizing Tri-Lambdas out there. Fear of becoming the inferior is perpetual. At what point do we, as parents, need to shield our children from ominous danger?
