Did they learn anything? Did they even listen at all?
Your heart, your mind, your body, and your spirit feel to wonder. And, yet, another school year comes to a close.
You did what you could. Amongst all other teachers, you kept the village moving forward. Those coming back will continue again next year. Those moving forward will carry on.
There was growth in each. You believe.
Teachers have a unique set-up in the career world.
Where can you get summers and holidays off along with new groups to work with every year with two and a half months in between to restart?
And, yet, I laugh. My joke has progressively gotten stronger throughout the years as reality becomes more accepting and humor is a must for the heart, mind, body, and spirit to strongly persevere.
Take some time off and come back. Please. This is the message I joke that is subliminally the unspoken message to the times we are given to take a breather- not just a break.
If not us, then, who?
Artificial intelligence? We inadvertently tried this when the pandemic hit.
The result?
While several (including, thankfully, our own children who benefited- more like, milked it, having two adults in the home to supervise their work and manage their learning schedules) students flourished during that time of solitude, we faced the outcome of many students ranging between two or three grade levels behind.
Students who had already struggled prior to the pandemic were now showing great evidence of being even further behind.
This wasn’t just academically. A colleague made a correlating observation- where students tested at grade level wise, their maturity level observingly were at that same level.
It was as if students got stuck developmentally altogether.
While many think, the pandemic was many years ago, COVID-19 (what I used to remember as Coronavirus December 2019) having been globally announced, the youngest impacted are just now passing through middle school years.
School is just about over this year. And, yet, imagine having a class where it feels developmentally, you are daily pushing to get seven grade levels to one grade level before moving onto the next year.
You plant seeds of hope. You water, trying not to water too little or too much, but just right.
That just right part is the daily, if not, moment to moment challenge.
You hope some more. You do some more. You just do.
At the same time, you tell yourself, you must and thus, you will. Not for you, but for all your students who held you up to their own expectations to never give up on them.
My husband and I have already made plans on how to spend our longest break per given year, summer.
It is clear to me now that my heart, mind, body, or spirit were not ready for what had been awaiting for me this last school year.
Last year had been a challenging group. I recall telling myself that this year couldn’t be any more difficult.
When I was told incoming ones would actually give us more work than at that time, our current, I couldn’t fathom how this could actually become true.
Someone did their research.
It was to my guards down where I was proven wrong.
This year was a try from the beginning. Each day in. Each day out.
You teach long enough, you cannot truly say a tough year tops first. Depending on your heart, mind, body, and spirit, other years could have been far more requiring of your attention and yet, your energy matched the very need.
Having had a trying one last year, I know that my guards were down coming in.
Having been relieved and reset from last year, I came in most vulnerable.
My arms were open. Too open. I was soft from the start. I know it now. I felt it then. And, once you go a certain way, anything more firm just seems unreasonable for the young hearts.
They came in as they were. I had to match all of me with what would be months ahead together with these new ones.
I couldn’t give up or surrender. I had just started the year.
If not me, then, who? Remember this. My heart, mind, body, and spirit seems to remind me each trying day.
I had to switch it up, not down.
Switching up doesn’t mean to get more militant. This was a different frontline. These were children trying to grasp the world that had minimized their very existence at the moment adults faced their own unknown challenges.
Children were following me at the same time as listening to my words and watching my very actions. How we would end up was going to be up to me. At least, in math, that is.
The resistance would be real. It got real real quick.
My heart had already been wearing different from the year before. I was starting to recollect the feeling. I couldn’t turn back to the same emotions. I had to soul search. Not for me, but for my students before as I did the years before.
Just like every year, I had to understand my clientele before me. No matter the storm, I would need to lead the way.
I had to look through the hearts, minds, and spirits of my students so that my body could survive.
Psychosomatic.
Mind. Body. They had to match in energy and understanding each day or I was falling.
When I wasn’t prepared, I paid for it. This is that known cost. You must be prepared beyond what to teach. The teaching part becomes the known piece. That’s the what and the why. It is the how that leads to the what now when your will and determination is put to a test, moment to moment. How you manage tells you how each day will finish.
Management is the everlasting challenge to perfect, if ever perfection shall ever be achieved amongst a strong group of young minds.
Teach long enough, you think you have perfected management. Come in that one child who will make you throw out all parts of your mastered plans. A child can be that good.
You think you’ve failed. You tell yourself, There is no such thing, remember? Just learning and more growth.
You stick with that mindset. You must. They are watching. They are listening. All of them. Maybe not when you want them to but absolutely when they want to.
And, then, it happens.
You arrive to the last few days of all your one moment here, one moment there, preaching on the importance of hard work and self respect when cues were deeply felt aside from mathematical learning.
You have been hoping all year. Still, you hold onto that hope even as the days come to the last.
You had the persistent and the strong-willed who kept on leading and learning to help you through in believing hope would always be alive. You praised whenever you could. Not one child had been missed.
You wonder how much each had grown from the moment they walked into your room.
And, then, as the year comes to an end, you are given a prompt for your students to write something- What I Wish I Knew… for those entering middle school next year.
You hesitate, bracing yourself at a moment’s thought, thinking this could be something that you might find disappointing. You think, perhaps students will have nothing to admit to, seeing the countless unaccountabilities throughout the year you worked hard to point out at the cost of ever being liked and the eye rolls to numerously follow.
Nonetheless, while you gave students alternatives to do otherwise, you push through.
And, then, like a breath gifted to you to deeply inhale and breathe out, you watch the construction paper you entitled, “What I Wish I Knew” and to your blessed delight, you witness students quietly using the pen you offered (eliminating any excuses) and, as your heart quietly melts while your eyes peripherally watches, one student at a time, reading each other’s words, they kept adding on to write…
Never let someone else decide who you are inside and outside. Just be you.
Some people will do dumb things. I wish I knew not to change for someone who is just gonna leave. Don’t give up!
I wish I knew that to never be too late to any class.
Always be yourself.
Always remember that you get to choose how your story ends.
I wish I knew more of my multiplication.
I wish I knew what I know now.
One thing I wish I knew is be yourself and focus in class.
If you complain and do nothing, then, you don’t deserve to dream.
Be yourself and not be like others.
Always double-check work, even triple-check and go to all your classes. Do great and don’t give up something you want to achieve.
Do not believe aliens.
I wish that I knew math was going to be hard.
I wish I knew that we would get three minutes of passing period.
Treat people the way you want to be treated.
Do not talk about others. Focus on your grades and choose your friends carefully because a lot of people are rude, mean, and they are fake. So, yeah. And, don’t change yourself for anyone else because if you do, then, they are not a true friend.
Don’t rush in the halls and stay out of fights.
Do not get into fights or drama. Always keep stuff to yourself.
I wish I knew to use my time more wisely.
Be yourself and only yourself because someone’s going to put in the effort so that you can and be comfortable so you can. Sorry for yapping.
Be yourself and don’t hang out with people who are gonna let you down.
Be respectful and never give up and be a good role model.
You don’t have to change yourself.
Learn to try harder on purpose and accident; focus on yourself before helping others.
Be prepared for anything.
Don’t depend on others; depend on you.
Don’t let others change who you are even if they are rude to you.
You’re not the only person that feels scared.
Don’t change yourself for anyone.
Not everyone will like you.
Not everyone will want to be your friend and that’s okay.
If it’s not okay, it’s not over.
Be yourself.
Focus on studies, not drama! Don’t change yourself. Be you. You got this.
I wish I knew to focus on myself.
You do you.
Choose your dream. If it seems impossible, it’s possible.
To not worry so much.
Don’t change yourself based on other people’s words.
Yo! Bring lots of snacks because you will starve.
I wish I knew to try ‘cause math ain’t easy.
Be yourself. Don’t change yourself.
Hang out with people who have got good morals and people who can build you, not crash you. Stay strong. God bless y’all.
Just believe in yourself. Don’t give up.
Be nice.
Be a good person and get As or Bs.
That no matter how hard the obstacle is, we persevere and overcome it together.
Always push yourself to the limits to success. Don’t listen to people who choose to be failures. Believe in yourself and trust that you’re going to make it one day. Make friends with people who have a strong mindset of success and achieving their goals. Your surrounding matters and the people you hang out with matters.
You do you.
These are our children. Their hearts, their minds, their bodies, and their spirits?
Well.
I hoped. I smile.
Selah.
