At what point do good times in a marriage have to end if given partnership opportunities to control?
Sow goodness, get goodness.
There can be no relationship where if both sow goodness, bad comes out unless, bile is let in.
The determination to keep good in starts with you.
Sow goodness in yourself, flourish abundantly with goodness in each other.
Expecting to be filled from another who is full and complete will only consume what that other may need for themselves to feel whole.
Your fullness, your completion, starts from within.
Regularly taking away from someone else will only cause drainage for the other. Eventually, you may put the other to blame for having less to gain from them than ever before.
While you had taketh each time, what had you giveth in return?
Work on being complete and full and only goodness will be the tradeoff.
If I could end it there, however, without thinking there is anything more to keep a marriage or partnership going, such challenge would not bring much difficulty at all.
I’d like to think my husband and I are quite the fortunate ones. While both of us call each other out on our flaws, we have both admitted to one another on several tried occasions that neither of us have any intentions to give up on each other either.
There have been times where mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally we’ve been tested, and we think now, ‘Passed that one.’ (Several exhales inserted here.)
When the mindset is set on victories, you’ll keep heading toward that direction- walk, crawl, run, however you find yourself able on each given moment.
I’m no expert and neither is my husband. We’ve proven this time and time again. Thankfully and with much exhalation, I would like to say our high fives are happening more frequently than ever before.
It has only taken three decades and going.
No matter how many times we’ve both vowed never quitting, you have to only laugh at what comes your way at times to put you to that test.
Peter sobbing after the rooster crowed gets real.
You vow to not deny love for one another and here come frustrations and bitterness nagging at you to such level of disappointment where love seems the last thing your heart feels.
Nonetheless, you make it through times of tribulations. You embrace each other with, most of the the time, just a nice deep breath of relief. You silently know to have overcame yet another challenge you hope to laugh back to one day.
In no particular order, I share with you what I see not only in my own partnership with my husband, but with those very few who we have been blessed to come across in life who have only exemplified a spiritually fortified togetherness to guide the mental, physical, and emotional instabilities.
Your Only Option
Your only option is to finish strong together.
If you give yourself any other option than the one you should be aiming for, you may just find yourself falling back on the one less challenging.
No great victory is won without stumbles and falls. Marriage is one of the greatest challenges. Hence, why many don’t make it to the end.
Why? Perhaps it’s because your partner becomes this mirror held up to your face to reflect upon all the time. It’s sometimes what’s looking right at you, you don’t want to see.
Why do people move on and start anew? This may seem harsh, but isn’t it because in the midst of finding fault in another, one is rather not wanting to admit to what contributions had they partaken within that fault?
You can’t handle the truth gets real, too.
Sometimes it’s a battle of who is more wrong-er, not who is right.
The grass will always look greener on the other side when you start to care less to water your own grass after awhile.
That other side may look very green. Very, very green. So green you convince yourself more worthy of its lush and inviting serenity rather than the dismal side you have found yourself in.
Perspective can do that to anyone under tough times and challenges.
Here’s the deal, though. You’ll have to water that other side to keep it green and lush.
Why not be inspired to just water your own?
You can’t get back time lost. You can save grass that hasn’t fully died yet. It won’t hurt to invest in some plants and flowers, either.
Whose grass is greener now?
Be that example.
It’s one thing to have a plan of generational wealth and successors, but there are also the legendary stories you will have wanted told about you.
I joked about two couples who forgot what they were fighting about after the police came to investigate as to why the wife had hit her husband with a wooden object.
Funny, but I truly hope no one is suggesting this is what holy matrimony is about.
My husband and I once watched a crime mystery episode (my choice, of course) where two elderly couples sadly dies from carbon monoxide poison while in bed. They were shown to be happily holding hands.
When my husband holds my hand at night I think, although understandably eerie, I am comforted to think more times than less, we would be found the same way.
You must ask yourself, “How would I want to encourage the next generation to pursue marriage?”
Standing up for what you believe is right should be respected on both parties. What better way to set an example for those who question their own future stance.
No one should ever be drawn to fear their own voice to be replaced to silence.
Respecting one another through disagreements is a powerful message that while you may not agree, you love the other greatly to respectfully allow their perspective.
The feeling of built strength through devotion and love becomes more unbreakable the more years you build to understand one another.
It just takes one brick mortar at a time (not thrown at each other, of course).
Don’t predict. Prepare.
It’s easy to hate the rain when drenched; the sun when burned; the cold when freezing.
This, by no means, suggests you think ahead to start anew with something different if things were to go wrong.
That’s not a back-up plan for pushing through. Unless one is in danger where, in that case, like any emergency drill, you plan an exit route to find safety.
In matters of commitment, you are in the mindset of what to do to stay in when things come at you to try and take you out.
Are we to ever think one plan is enough? That saying, “You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can’t predict the weather” is a befitting notion.
While scientists would argue that weather can be predicted, I believe it is our resiliency to envision and thus, still plan for beautiful, sunny days even IF the forecast may suggest otherwise.
Peter Pan likes to live in each of us.
Still, the grown (growing) up side in us should withhold some responsibility to always have an umbrella handy or be ready to eat inside our cars or better yet, just have a picnic indoors.
My husband and I have turned to these back-up plans with or without our children many times, sometimes candles and all to show even greater victories.
Together, you must make your joy.
With no back-up plan to face the unwanted, it’s understandable why we feel defenseless, depleted, and thus, defeated, when ill-prepared for incoming thievery of joy.
We become accustomed to think we’ve failed within our first attempts. Failure becomes a fear and thus, we see the familiar coming our way, we quit… to avoid failure to get to us first?
Such mentality will string along with you wherever you go in life and will have the same impact on whatever you, at first, decided to commit to.
Permanence will not be a strength practiced if the mindset thinks to quit and start over at instances where the going gets tough.
Having a back-up plan within a plan suggests to find contentment within the means you find yourself at times.
You can’t just throw up your hands when things go haywire. You take a step back and find another means to pull through, not out.
Honor commitment.
Don’t be wish-washy with a pledge. Understand your promise and work everyday to commit to it and keep it.
Relationships are dispensable not because they were made to be, but mainly because fingers were crossed behind the back when the vows were uttered to one another.
Anyone who thought to dispose of marriage if and when things get tough created an exit plan from the start.
Starting that energy emits that bad air from the onset of tried commitment. If the other doesn’t already know you are not fully invested, they can feel it.
The try only goes as far as the effort is willing to go.
What if, what if, in the midst of the rough and grueling times, you just committed to taking it to the next day, seeing, envisioning more good times and great laughter in the years to follow?
What if, what if, in the midst of wanting to walk away, you take a moment to remember all the good times before any of the not-so-good so you can be reminded of what all you’d be walking away from?
What if you just held each other instead of pushed away?
What if, after the rage and fury, you chose to end in peace and understanding?
How would you want your grandchildren to remember how you worked things out?
How would you want stories told about how you made it through, that is, if you did make it through?
How would future relationships have been strengthened had you been the one to have proven that in times of trials and tribulations, you stood strong?
Are these not just a few reasons for glory in the end? To speak of the challenges and stumbles that at times took you down, but with great determination to keep going, you found means to get back up and move forward with the burning torch in hand?
Realize that you essentially are passing that torch to the next couple who dare take the challenge.
Is it much easier to stop now? Does this not entail you should move to yet another race to run?
Was there something wrong with the first race? Will the next race be any different or easier? Is that what you hope for? Or, were you just not trained or willing enough to take on the challenges before you? If you show trails of frustration and giving up, was it, then, ever the obstacles?
There is truly no guarantee with what tomorrow may bring. Both my husband and I know storms have come and will come again. The good news is, the more storms you overcome, the better and stronger you are to not just overcome and be victorious of each, but you get pretty good at foreseeing incoming ones. If not seeing, that spirit within speaks to not be ignored.
While science may predict the weather, you sure can prepare- rain, sleet, or snow.
You won’t have to be sorry, not even to Ms. Jackson (OutKast).
