Finding a true friend can be difficult, especially if you allow friends to grow organically, hardly putting any effort to find some or more. The only two friends who I keep close to me daily are my husband and God. I half-humorously admit that the former doesn’t really have a choice with the latter my faith has held onto since childhood. However few, there are those you need in life who you know to be real and true.
To me, the following defines when you know a friendship is real and true:
- Friends hold you accountable. While you don’t have to think about what you say, your mind utterly fluid when in the comfort of good presence who you know is intently listening, true friends will hold you accountable for the things you say. This isn’t to break you or tear you down, although at times you may not want to hear what a true friend has to say. Contrarily, a true friend doesn’t sit there and just enable you to do whatever pleases you. They are there to make sure that they guard you from any potential hurts or disappointments. A true friend will risk losing your friendship knowing they gave you the best advice from their heart.
- You pick up where you left off. Diane whom I haven’t seen in almost two decades, that’s almost twenty years, laughed with me when we realized it had been that long since we’ve seen each other and yet, the last time we spoke felt like, well, the last time we spoke before that one. Our distance and lives have taken us to different journeys and yet, we get that and have even more to talk about each time we manage to get a phone call in.
- They help you change for the better. A true friend will accept your changes with no judgement. There is this respect for each other’s self and its becoming. However, just like they will not become an enabling friend, they are there to make sure you change for the better, not worse. They know that if you continue in the right path, then since they will be right beside you pushing you onward and through, they will rise with you. True friends know it is a win-win situation for both when you help navigate each other’s paths. My friend since junior high will be the first person to praise my accomplishments amongst others, but when together alone, will also be the first to laughingly correct me on any questionable utterances or thoughts.
- There is no manipulation involved. They don’t hold anything against you. There is this unspoken trust that you aren’t trying to dupe each other for relationship benefits. This friendship is not a for fame or shame game. It’s a foundation built on sincerity and understanding. You may be held to your word, but forgiven easily when you have fallen short of your promises. They give you the benefit of doubt that you always intend to mean well. There is no anticipation of a take after a give. Simply, the giving continues without the anticipation of receiving anything back in return.
- You value each other’s time. You can sense you are not just being listened to, validated, and heard, but there is a sense of safety and security given as you speak. There is this gratitude for having or being in each other’s presence. There is this sense of knowing that you are not just passing time; time stands still with the presence of those you value. You are deeply grateful to have them in your life. You enjoy listening to them. Most always, you aren’t thinking to cut the conversation short. Rather, you look forward to being with them, in their moment with yours. There’s this filling a true friend places in your soul like no other can.
True friendship is challenging to find in a lifetime. Those who have them know the value of its worth- priceless and irreplaceable.
