Why do we ask for what we don’t already have?
Leading to quite a “duh” answer, perhaps, but a question nonetheless that creates a gateway for this entry.
My husband and I keep each other grounded by reminding ourselves that some don’t have much or don’t have it easy like others.
That imbalance itself can cause friction between one another.
While I understand this, I see mindset creating creatures of differences on its own.
What is much to some could be what another would consider the bare minimal. Yes?
What is feasible to some may be something not in the cards for another. Yes?
So, once again, why do we ask for what we don’t already have?
I think, like a child, one would think to be just as deserving as another.
The growing up part is that channel to move toward when something doesn’t seem to be in our favor- either try something else, keep going in the same try of direction, or, just make best of all that we already have in possession.
There is that child within that never dies sometimes, wanting, and then, for some, driven, to get that other thing they don’t have or more. Yes?
After all, is it not one’s subjective perception as to what they are deserving of?
For one to agree to not be deserving of something because one tells you or you tell yourself- that line of pursuit to prove otherwise sits ahead. The truth never to be found in this case unless truth is what one already conforms to. Yes?
While there are some who sit and sulk, immobile to make a move, just spiteful of what they believe to have, too, there are others, to think deserving is the mindset of forward movement.
Whether one is or isn’t deserving, how can another truly convince otherwise?
While one sits on the belief, another moves toward it.
Are there not those who just keep going so as to never accept stopping until their last breath of try?
After all, cannot a child ever endlessly desire when presented possibilities?
There lies the creature. Yes?
Possibilities. How does one know of anything more if not heard, seen, tasted, felt or at times, wafted?
Do not marketing spend a lot to entice the senses? If not the case, why the bother of great amount of time and cost to try?
When one arrives to more, does that arrive to enough? Perhaps. Until that presentation of what more is possible. Yes?
Is there clarity in any of what more we should ask from our possibilities?
If we didn’t know more, could what is before us, then, be enough?
Isn’t it only whence we have something in comparison whereas we begin to question if indeed we have enough?
I have now witnessed many eyes and smiles within faces.
The eyes that look upon others frown and provide looks of resentment.
What is it they saw or witnessed that led them to such choice of expression, perhaps the resentful shall deny to admit.
Does one stand as a reminder of what another was told could, should, or, will never have?
Shame on another for stomping on one’s belief? Or, shame from within for believing?
Who is to blame for the resentfulness?
That infiltration of creatures entering the thoughts. How did they get in? Who was or were at the gate of entry to guard and protect?
The soldiers at the gate or warriors within awaiting battlegrounds for allowing such to enter.
The emperor or beholder of what should be a shielded kingdom.
How many times until one surrendered or abdicated to being finally conquered?
By choice with an open gate? By chance with an opened gate? By charge with a gate taken down? How many times?
Resent. Meant?
And, then, there are my comforting examples to take note. The smiles, often joined in with laughter, accompanied by sparkling eyes, gaze upon nothing but the internal soul- the spirit alive and well, unhindered by any influences around.
They discern with ease, I admirably take note.
It is as if they know what to let in and what to lock out, fortified to the fullest.
The days were there when I knew nothing but purity of love, peace, and harmony.
Little by little, unlike one Trojan horse, infiltrations of creatures entered.
By sixth grade, cavities of creatures were evident in taking positions within.
Around that time my Papa and I used to go to this laundromat right next to a home we rented. This had been residence number ten (to remember) and sixth school to attend.
I know the ways of a laundromat.
My unspoken but understood role was to sit there and watch out for our clothes as they went through their cycles while Papa paced about, in and out.
With timed cycles, patterns were predictable. I could sit in peace, staring afloat while alone without disturbance in my mind.
I could sit there from beginning to end cycle and just watch.
Papa would return time and time again and ask if the washer or dryer was done and I would either say, “Not yet” or eventually, as I got the hang of the routine, would already start to shake off each clothing out of the washer to prepare each to transfer to a dryer.
The interesting piece about me was my nervousness of seeing the dry cycle done but with Papa not there.
I hadn’t known what he wanted me to do next. I never asked. I would just stand there next to the dry clothes, waiting, thankfully for his eventual return.
Should I take out the clothes and start folding or do I leave them in there in the still quite heated drum and just wait for Papa’s return?
The quandary of the mind. Simple for others to decide, perhaps, but my obedience as a father’s child would leave me thinking deep.
I would always choose the latter. Frugal as I was for my parents, I wanted our clothes to be just as dry as they could and leaving them in would help to accomplish that idea.
(I know about wearing wet clothes. Not fun.)
Two quarters for one load is like one cost for what could have been another drying load wasted.
My peace of watching simply turned upside-down due to my inability to seek the next steps. When you have so many troubles around, your silence is your peace.
I didn’t know if I had failed Papa in my choices. He never said anything. Many times, I wished he did, but having five children myself since, perhaps, then, both our silence spoke the same desire for just that needed quiet at times.
I could have found a man just like Papa and would have been blessed the same but I knew I subconsciously asked for more when it came my time to choose.
I heard the complaints of many women by that time. Those infiltrated with wreckage went to work on others whose bonds weren’t broken but just bent (Yes. I threw in a line from Pink right there.) knowing coldness could cause malleable things to harden.
I saw many works to break marriages and the unfortunate successes of those who watched marriages fall apart (after the brokenness from destruction), too.
Mama made it with Papa to his end. And, yet, I saw and heard the attempts to and too many times where I smelled, tasted, and felt the battles.
In my mind, I took note of the creatures that quietly planted themselves even (especially) in areas where silos were present.
With my older siblings going about their ways, Papa was easy to have around without ask.
His company, whether with words, laughter, or, silence, was comforting and my sense of security.
It was with no surprise that this type of availability from my husband of over thirty years gives me the same strength.
I see that I added more to my list, however.
I married a man who wasn’t just like Papa but with no disrespect, so much more.
Protective and outspoken, focused on the road ahead while defensively taking note of our surroundings, caring for our children beyond just today but even more, endless talking about what to leave behind for his lineage as his legacy, I am at awe of what I know in my heart, even Papa would be smiling with pride and honor above to see stand by and next to me.
I did see, hear, smell, taste, feel.
When do we believe to have enough?
I think I had this answer at my gate even as a child.
I just forgot at times. That’s all.
You see, it wasn’t that I wasn’t happy with what was already more than enough for a child to find peace and happiness.
It wasn’t the child who wasn’t already dancing and laughing inside.
They were the soldiers, the warriors, and even the emperor or beholder who, when enticed with more, forgot to ask themselves, What would it cost to let this in? What good benefit, if any, would there be?
I laugh to think now, perhaps I have fired the soldiers, warriors, and even the emperor or leader who we think to have in charge.
It was the child who knew peace, love, and harmony at purest sense.
The instinct untainted, bred only by what was before what is.
I laugh and think, the child wants not the duties of the soldiers, warriors, and the emperor or leader. It just wants all of them to do their job to guard all the destruction attempting to come in while protecting all the good already gathered within.
To laugh and dance, the child wants.
When should one, then, believe to have enough?
Well, that depends on the child.
