I know you do not forsake me so.
Because of all, you have always been the one to know.
I know you were there in even moments of strange times.
I laughed inside knowing it was you to no denial.
Still, you leave me within the dark under your light.
I think to shine for you, but in me feels not always right.
Since you do not speak to me out loud,
I am left to reflect from the surrounding crowd.
I do not ever feel I belong.
Even in my right, in their eyes, I am so wrong.
I am saddened by this loneliness you put me through.
I have no true friend, but you.
I am a good wife, blessed with a good man.
But even he, I know, me- he cannot fully understand.
I carried and birthed five children I love to the hurt and pain.
I am but a mother to them, their fullest satisfaction, I fail to attain.
I try and silence myself amidst other minds.
Somehow, words just roll out without a forbearance sign.
I hear myself speak amongst the incomprehensible clan.
I am but trying to convey, but I am one only to understand.
I feel even more lonelier once I depart from the rest.
But I sense you think that is where I am at best.
An island you want me to be.
I obey, I serve you, but how long for me?
Am I to endure this sacrifice for life?
The point of all this- what makes it right?
I am weakening, but I feel you say just a little longer.
I pray to you, give me continued joyful strength, make me stronger.
I am but yours alone yet you speak to me clearly, never.
I want discernment from you, if my ask for you to acknowledge and remember.
I follow, I follow to many now, nights of quiet surrender.
Why tire me to this point if your plans I am to mightily render?
You isolate me in heart, mind, body, and spirit.
I am losing ground to understand my purpose, failing you- I fear it.
I am but your child trying to serve at fullest good deed.
Why tire me so? Please have mercy on my frailty. God, speed.
