When you have found comfort in who you are, it can be difficult for anyone to try and change you and your ways unless there is reason or will.
It takes quite some grooming to arrive at the masterpiece you were meant to be by its final state. To not lose any necessary pieces before finishing as close to what we were each meant to fulfill of our purpose takes a lot of careful sculpting.
The challenge is, as you follow the directions of what is within, there stands the conflicts of what try and influence you all around.
There needs to be a want to make a change to actually consider certain parts about you that could be modified or transformed.
Like music (or no music), accouterments vary by chance who might want to display each ensemble based on one’s character, not contrariwise.
Your life is not like a movie where the character befits you. In reality, you befit the character you wake and sleep with.
I don’t need my shoes or clothes, but I promise you that they, some I’ve bought, some I’ve made, are my greatest companions who love tagging along with me for whatever my daily journey is sought to become.
I’d like to comically think my wardrobe are my fearless warriors that accompany me through my daily battles.
They are the ones that when I walk in my closet and ask, “Who dare go with me?”, like Gideon’s final 300, having lapped their waters, ready for the call, I hear them chant out, “Here I am. Choose me!”
From uniforms to suits, notable people had signature looks. Each notable person, most probable, did not just allow clothes to choose them. While there are limitless styles to fit the needs of people, people have limits on styles they abide by.
With such, additional personalities kick in.
Yes. Like the mom of comedian, Jimmy Yang, I play the game, “Guess How Much?” with my husband.
Due to durability and a longer last, aside from color and style that befits me, quality clothes and shoes are most practical. However, there is always the cost to consider.
I am not cheap, but immensely frugal. Unless my husband insists on buying something for me at whatever price, I am that one, when it comes to shoes and clothes, that will buy usually after a discount receives an additional discount.
Quality versus the quantitative cost conjunctions. Yes. Do it right and you will dually have control of both.
One can put a price on something, but each individual should practice the understanding that ultimately, you decide what something is worth.
My husband continues to joke with me that when about, I have gotten quite particular of even my way of purchasing coffee or refreshments.
From what I get to how I get it, I have a system where my time and money are highly considered.
I do not get why one must wait if an application allows you to pay the same amount for a purchase and be able to pick it up ahead of everyone else at no additional cost.
As I drive or walk, I calculate my approximate time for purchase pick-up. This way, as I arrive, I can be rest assured my drinks and any additional purchases are waiting for me, not the other way around.
I always find it humorously interesting how you can feel people stare at you walk toward the mobile pick-up, gather your order, while still, some try to slyly continue to fixate on you as you walk away as they wait with all the rest, in what most of the time, can be a hectic line.
There was nothing special about me; just my way of ordering probably their same liking.
If I am given opportunity, I choose not to wait in line.
Why?
That’s not “boujee” by any means, just sensible, I am quick to rebut with my husband, each time he jocularly suggests I am so.
(To point, the term, “boujee”, should be noted positively, suggesting one who prefers to indulge in best convenience and comfort, but is humble in doing.)
I do not get my nails done on a regular basis (like, once or twice a year) mainly because I used to sit and watch Mama get hers done in the Philippines (like me, she hardly got her nails done as well) by someone who’d come over to our home and while sitting closely, I would think to myself, ‘I can do that.’ Since then, I’ve proven to myself time and time again, I’m right.
In college, one of the jobs I acquired was to work at the front desk of a prestigious salon above a well known downtown department store. While their minimum prices back then still exceeds the regular prices for a manicure or pedicure today, I can tell you that, having had both services, you were paying for the environmental prominence, not any better service.
Selectiveness grows with time. While I feel there are those who become less particular throughout time, there are those like me, who have arrived at accepting to oneself what is worth being selective about and what are just such things not putting too much thought into.
Many of our home walls have been empty or left alone for some time. My husband and I have long painted our dining room walls quite some years back and to this day, along with other areas, several walls have been left barren with no paintings or art decor to clothe them.
The ones we had in our dining room have never made it back up.
After three decades, I have come to learn that my husband sticks to abstract paintings, but I have yet to be hardly satisfied with any he has put up.
Not in preference to faces of people or animals, my encompassing likings to paint, it is as if we have this silent agreement to leave the walls as is to maintain peace.
To my silence, however, the painting or artwork that should agree with my husband’s taste are rather less worth than what he would pay for them.
Those he has put up in the past have mostly not been my own levels or degree of artwork. What I would want to put up is in my head- too priceless to find.
The price of artwork is nothing more than the price placed upon it and if someone is willing to buy it for the asking price. Until I can paint it or create it, I have been good at seeing the walls stand empty.
Arriving to almost a half-century of age, one must accept everything cannot be controlled.
While I find it immensely difficult to spend a lot of money on something that I know I can do better, I am too much at free will to be constricted or confined by what others believe looks better, even to the opinions of my husband.
With paintings, I will always believe what I concoct to mind is far better than what can be bought.
Dave Chappelle respectfully says this about his comedy. I was so relieved to hear him say, upon watching another comedian’s show, in more or less words, “I could have done better than that!”
I get that in artwork, clothing, shoes, music, poetry, writing, and even purses.
I can imagine Andrea Bocelli singing Ave Maria his way, feeling it best, the way he and I would probably debate whose spaghetti, lasagna, or seafood fettuccini tastes better.
Passionate about one’s work is hard to outdo. You just can’t “pass” “I” “on”.
You is… you. You know who you are, what you want, and how you want it. The insatiable self comes from the depths of your soul telling you only you know what’s best for you and sometimes, it’s not out there. It’s in you.
How can you sell you to someone else who sees you as merely a cover?
The spirit, the soul- the depth of both.
Abysmal.
Quantum physics have nothing on the heart, mind, body, and spirit, even at its most inexplicable, unseeable contours and fields.
How can one truly explain what not only cannot be seen, but only truly felt and understood by one?
Thus, some major walls in my home momentarily stay empty.
Sometimes, that saying, “If it isn’t broken, why try and fix it” works.
Not everything has to be dressed. We were all naked once.
However, after several years, I arrive to suggesting to my husband to tell me what paintings he would like me to create and I will happily oblige. This way, we will both be somewhat satisfied.
With reason and will, there are just some things about you that must suggest, ‘Within me stays me, but for peace amongst me, I shall compromise.’
Peace? Guess how much?
Priceless.
