Is this a bad thing?
There is endlessly so much growing up to do. While contentment with level of maturation may be accomplished, gathering everything to grow and grow well is like trying to collect all fruits in an orchard before any fall to the ground.
Every moment, there is much to reflect upon one’s thoughts and perspectives. The world ceases for no one.
I recall a time when my dearest oldest son had taken me by surprise in the midst of another moment for me to lecture them about the world and the struggles and pressures of life my husband and I faced at the time we were of school ages. My son, at that time in high school, respectfully voiced out, “You guys had your struggles, but we have our struggles, too. We just have different ones now.” Spoken like an academic and athletic champion all-student body president he was at that time, his statement provoked my thoughts into deep thinking.
My son’s words brought me back to how peaceful it was when the world meant nothing to me- just space that held me in it. The world was simply a place to show what I could do with what it had to offer. A big playhouse, it was, one adventure after another to discover. And then, just as if someone snapped their finger, I lost that sense of innocent thinking and mindless play.
Just waking to think how I could go about my day to find joy, hoping I would be fortunate enough to get some laughter and fun out of the day before night would return was enough. And, if no joy or fun were to be found, at least peace with no (getting into) trouble was to suffice the soul. Being good and having a good day in a good world- all the good needed. Such priceless simplicity of life… up until school years began.
I see before me each day creations of masterpieces in the making- students interacting with other students, vigilant to finding the right cues of when to “laugh out loud” or do the “smh” (shaking my head) gesture for disapproval. Each day, students exhibit ways to interact with the world and the people in it, showing hope to react if not, exceptionally well, at least, acceptably. Not truly knowing, but still, trying best to have the correct gestures for majority approval.
This concern to have peer acceptance all around me- I see this and remember myself what that was like. Similarly with my own children, I find myself reminding my students to not let the world change them or distract them from their greatness. What my children or my students don’t know is, those words spoken come from knowing too well of the many influences around them trying to pull them from the focus of who they were meant to be. When you’ve seen there and saw that, you hope to veer the young away from unnecessary paths. The ears of adolescence aren’t too willing to believe any words spoken. Peer interaction is like the Thomas of all disciples who need see first then, believe.
The focus of the self to become validated in this world starts at the moment of peer interaction. And who created this need, I wonder to be innate or fed? The self-centeredness replaced by social-centeredness? Which do we encourage? Do we complain about social interactions gone mad and yet, practically hold someone under condemnation for any moves to be self-centered? I pause to reflect.
Is self-centeredness to be discouraged? Should not one focus on themselves first before focusing on others? Should not one try to understand who they fully are before worrying about who others seem to be? How can one be whole if we are trained to look toward others to fill us? When running, are not racers taught to keep eyes forward? If each worked to better themselves, would not this world be much better?
If there is self-love, that one will have love to give. Yes? If there is self-hate, what will that one have to offer? And yet, have we created a world where such simple statements as “Do You” or “Be You” become major complexities in our children’s daily lives?
I, an odd-ball due to my familial economic level and the discovery that the color of my skin would play a factor, recall refusing to admit I was behind in any race amongst my peers. I hid (at my best) any disadvantages beneath my smiles, laughters, and rampant talking, diverting any eyes from the clothes or shoes I wore. The color of my skin had to work harder to be seen as smarter. Anytime it didn’t, I felt the eyes thinking, suggesting, I wasn’t.
I wanted validation for myself then just like every child I see now. The validation was not necessarily for my peers to accept me, but for my own peace of mind to know that I AM acceptable- to prove to myself that I indeed had every chance in the race to be victorious like anyone else. Interestingly, I had forgotten that I had once that peace and happiness of knowing I was acceptable; I was already a winner. All of a sudden, being around peers made me feel I had to prove myself. To whom? No one. And yet, the mind is tricked or fed by the belief the self must cater or mould itself to the desires of others. What makes us believe we just can’t BE?
One day I was that student who sat in silence or chose a quiet corner away from others. The next day, I was that one who found myself endlessly interacting with as many as I could. At times, I was that particular one who acted like I didn’t care in class. Then, surprisingly to me, there were those moments where I was that student who found my seat and actually listened while also taking notes. There were also those times when I sat in the center of many conversations without a word uttered to any. Other times, no one else would be given a chance to talk. Is that not okay? To just BE?
Technology has made it where judgement can be passed beyond whispers, notes, and phone conversations. Phone land lines are just a pocket’s reach away now supported and connected by cellular towers. Pictures taken of you do not have to wait for days to be processed. These days, seconds are all that separates you from “It wasn’t me” to “Oh, yes, it was”. Even deleting a picture is kept within clouds of memory that could resurface decades later.
Had you social media back in your time and who would you be found with? What would you have been found doing? How many would have approved? More importantly, how would you have felt upon blatant disapprovals or mockeries of your choices? How many relationships, establishments, and Victoria’s Secrets would have come out from just a text or an image? Now, think multiplicity, and we enter that world of our new generation. And so, the scare to BE found? Initiated.
There are over 3,000 satellites the last time I checked all spread out around this planet we human intellectuals have placed, one country after another. Having read, a bag of potato chips left in a room can reverberate the words of your speech allowing transfer to a nearby listener. Experiments with bugs and birds implanted with technology are listening and watching, too.
The difference between adults and our children when it comes to being watched and listened to? In their world, one move, one statement, could be automatically broadcasted for all awaiting viewers, “likers”, “dislikers” and to add, “emoji” expressionists. Their world? The heart, the mind, the body, and the spirit exploited to the very soul- how they feel, think, behave, and believe. The free will given to all for judgment.
There is no sign up sheet for this type of media exposure. Social freelancers are prevalently on the lurks of any room- any room. To promote peace or to shatter a person in pieces? This generation sides to the latter by observation. And yet, do away without technology, were we any different at heart?
Once a patriotic feel of the John F. Kennedy motto, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country”, has truly taken a turn to the also infamous words of Snoop Dogg, “You gotta get yours; I gotta get mine.” Both real in their message. Together, existential due upon belief.
The struggle to find balance for harmony is in our children’s daily lives. While there can be much sunshine from creative ways to share endless laughter, there is that moment where a share comes “raining” in, infiltrating all those who have clicked or swiped into the puddle. Every day, every moment of their lives-our children. And what must they do? The same way we did, with or without technology- we moved forward.
As much as I am drawn to judge my students ways, actions, and thinking I witness or hear before me, I am reminded of those who were at most exposed to social pressures were of those affording television or magazines to exhibit unrealistic, airbrushed lifestyles of the rich and famous and therefore, perfect lifestyles. Now, this new generation cannot escape influencers- they are heard, seen, spoken of everywhere. And while there are those who expose imperfections as the new “perfect”, the pressure is now to get to know you amongst all the labels and exceptions out there. What, therefore, is “perfect” if many out there are providing mixed messages? Can not one try to think for a moment for themselves? Within themselves? Should not perfect be a feeling and not a seeing?
Have we done our children great service by creating any confusion? If the pressures do come from social media, what counter-measures or defenses are we using to repel such influences? Are we exemplars of what they should be or have we, too, shown our vulnerabilities to the pressures? After all, how much do we embrace of our own selves before turning to our children to suggest the same?
While there may not be social media thumbs up or thumbs down buttons above each student, I can almost guarantee that many, if not all, are walking around thinking they have those invisibly placed upon their heads imagining every onlooker is either pushing the thumbs up or thumbs down button as each walk past one another. Still, are these any different from our own looks and gestures of dislikes during our time we were they? Did we not just as well give thumbs up and down in more ways than one?
So, my oldest son, I see you. What you may never understand is that while your generation face different, perhaps more sophisticated hardships, the end game is the same. The hope to make it through each of our own amazing race to be granted peace and joy again, done away with the deployment into the world and its afflictions is timeless, indiscriminate to whichever generation faces its wrath.
My lectures, my son, were my outspoken fears of the possibility any of you would ever have to go through our same hardships. No. Not just the economical, but rather the spiritual hardships. I feared the first day I took you to school that you would begin to lose sight of you being more than enough. I knew that the world and its people would eventually find a way into your heart and mind to make you believe they knew better of what you should be.
I can’t stop the inevitable journey of life and its afflictions. All I can do in my power of control is to do my best to help you stay strong in the fight- the fight between you and the world. And yet, if your eyes are elsewhere, I can do nothing to help you. The fight, as much as I have tried to fight yours, your siblings’, and my students’ battles to just get you back to you, I hold no such physical power. Only my words hold impact- if they are heard, understood and acted upon. So, as any parent or teacher, we speak in hopes each time, knowledge and wisdom come out.
Don’t mistaken gaining knowledge for gaining one’s self, however. That self has long been given to you and thus, has already been found. The challenge, my ultimate fear for all my children and students, is that the self were to ever be lost.
To go back to that world where we saw ourselves happily just playing in it. Back to that self-centered mindset. What was ever wrong with that? I dare say…nothing. Do you. Be you. Find your center again.
