It is enough to see the gentle smile of a child whom you have partaken to make a difference each day. It is enough to know that although you may not ever see a child again, there was a seed of goodness planted in their heart and spirit that you personally planted and cared for before the assembly line of more children arrive, each pushed through to venture further into the world. It is enough to know you did your part while they were with you to ignite fire into their souls, believing that while the fire may burn out at times, that one and this one you believed in will have that fire from within to self-ignite.
Day in, day out, lesson plans are made, instruction is prepared to be once again delivered to the minds of every child you greet at the door. You smile and say “good morning” or “good afternoon” and yet, there is this light beaming inside of you that is thinking you could do more, be more. You try to suppress and ignore that voice. You keep telling yourself that where you are is where you have and will always be needed. The days go by. The weeks. The months. And then, the years. That light inside you is starting to rumble inside. Your outside light still stands bright, but it is your inside fire that speaks volume of your possibilities. You fight the thought because ultimately, you tell yourself, “If not me, then who?”
No matter the challenges and difficulties at times, you resist the temptation to think further than what is before you: comfort, familiarity, and routine. If it’s not broken, why try and fix it? You tell yourself as that light inside tries to stay contained. There is no need to let that light out. The light you give is already enough. There is no need to expand the horizons of your vision.
That light trapped inside the box. You hate to admit, you not have only put it there, but you have kept it there. Why? Like an ancient myth, the inner light in you holds great powers, far beyond what you already shine through. It is in past experiences where you have learned it was best to put that inner light back in. Due to comfort, routine, and familiarity, that light from within has had no need to expel itself. And yet, why is it really still inside that box?
“You are a giver. This is what you do. While you do not ask for gratitude, how many come back to thank you as you find a moment to sit and rest before you find yourself giving some more? And how many have given spite and dislike for when you released more than the light you already illuminate? How many have tried to put it out or destroy it? How many have detested you for shining more than your normal brightness?” Your self-talk in that head of yours is relentless.
Fear of change. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. Or, for some or perhaps most, fear of what has been known. I believe these are what keeps the light from stepping outside of the box. That light within you felt alive and willing to step out, but when it did, so much darkness came attacking, so much to a point that that light from within escaped to get away from the crowd of the believers and unbelievers of you. Back into that box your light has returned.
You smile at those who you continue to surround yourself with within the light you restrictively illuminate. Although they don’t always verbally thank you, they thank you with their smiles, their responses, their interactions, their presence. They return with intent to grow, not damage.
You are safe with those around you. They see your light and appreciate its warmth. They don’t ask for more of you. You are enough. There is comfort, routine, and familiarity in your days, no matter what the days may be like. There is no need to release that light trapped inside the box. And yet, the giver you are, you feel to want to do more.
You want to do more to reach those before you. You try and tell yourself that you can only focus on what you can control from within your capacity. So, day in and day out, you plan and instruct. Day in and day out, however, you know that what more you know you could do, you have trapped inside. That light. You stay contained, safe in your comfort, routine, and familiarity. You continue to share your external light, one to the next.
That light inside shakes and rumbles. It was not meant to be contained, but somehow you’ve convinced yourself there is no need to release it. What you give is what is needed. However, you know your truth and your heart does not match what you tell your mind.
That truth just looks at you from a corner of your thoughts as you see it sitting there, knowingly aware of your dereliction.
That light trapped inside the box wants to ignite to higher grounds, where more can see, more can benefit from your greater light. You beam with immense light… inside. And yet, there are these imaginary walls all around you, having convinced yourself it is safer this way.
If light had hands, yours inside would be pushing out of this box you have confined it in. Perhaps you are hoping it will just jump out one day, but you also know what happened when you didn’t have a plan on how to illuminate your light and who to direct it to.
The light trapped inside a box. Your light. It’s not trapped. You were the hand that held the lid down, trapping your own light from stepping out.
What if I told you that although you will have to anticipate challenges, change is inevitable whether you try and stop it or not? What if your fear of failure is understood, but just as equally if not more, your potential to succeed and be even greater could be the result beyond any failure? What if that unknown is the worst thing you could imagine and yet, beyond your wildest dreams, is actually what does happen?
Isn’t fighting fear worth it? After all, that light trapped inside the box, is it better to spread it out to where it wears thin or close it in where that light burns out?
If you should have a fear, which of the two?
