That moment of TIME
COVID. This seemed to be the 2020 go-to explanation for everything. Weight gain. COVID. Weight loss. COVID. Fear. COVID. Anxiety. COVID. Depression. COVID. Violence. COVID. Just feeling some kind of way other than a good way? COVID. Not sure of anything anymore? COVID.
While the global pandemic, the outbreak of the SARS COV-2 virus leading to unfortunate major sicknesses and fatalities of COVID-19, most definitely exacerbated issues, I must question whether or not we were already on that habituated mindset of finding ANYTHING to justify our thoughts, behaviors, and actions other than well, our also free will to look within and examine our “modus operandi”.
I recently traveled to another vacation state and though still finding the pleasure to converse with amazing people, I had to note to my husband the hesitation for others to make any conversation in certain areas. However, in pre-COVID times, I reminded myself that I had already come across this “hesitation” in other parts of the world. There are only a few reasons I could think of to explain such mannerism: 1. Sure. COVID (that understandable 6 down to 3 feet back to 6 feet distance rule not to add the mask on restrictions) 2. People are unhappy with their lives or jobs (as statistics reports 70-80% of people are) 3. We have been accustomed to be this way with one another. We are prone to fear, doubt, and mistrust. It is how WE (have learned to) do.
In light of the SARS-COV2 outbreak, aside from the unwanted heaviness it costly gave us, I feel the world was afforded something we were too busy to appreciate, took for granted quite too often, and yet, endlessly complained we never had enough of- time. All of a sudden, as the world closed their doors and found themselves confined to their homes, it seemed the world hungered to reach out and connect under any other means they could with the world.
Internet. Networking between and amongst one another. That given entitlement we all of a sudden took to a new height. Corners of concern that perhaps had long emerged were now considerably being looked at, listened to, in multitudes that made a polyhedron into a circle. The global pandemic quantum-leaped into infinite points of discussions, all to the benefit of those feeling the need to address WHATEVER may have been ignored or slipped under the rug. All of a sudden, we had time to listen because ironically, other options were slim.
Either simultaneously hyper-exposed or magnified, I witnessed the world communicating thoughts and perspectives with great courage. I was suddenly brought back to my undergraduate studies where we had discussed how wearing a mask empowered those hiding behind them to feel unstoppable. Hidden identities releases essentially the voices and actions from within that would have never come out had one’s complete and true identity been revealed. The internet, a shield from physical reality, gives us courage to voice out, advocate, and to the extreme, fight with our greatest might.
In the comfort of my own home, like the rest of the world, curiosity or lack of anything else to do when confined or seemingly stationary in one’s domicile, I was able to choose topics of delight to follow, like sitcoms under a universal platform of channels to click through.
Quite honestly, sticking to mainly reading whenever not in need of a good laugh to quickly fill me, the world became intriguingly fascinating to me as voices came forth through articles and editorials, concurrently, I’m certain, empowered through the scopes and avenues of social media. While I veered away from the, what I call, “cats chasing their tails”- those going in circles and absolutely going nowhere, I came across truly mind-opening perspectives of global issues and concerns, many of which, in busier times, were hardly or if any, given light.
Awareness proliferated to whatever found itself to be on the platform to address or merely broadcast. It was like my parents debating in front of me all over again. However, this time, the whole world was talking. Unstoppably, people had time to not only listen, but exchange opinions and perspectives. After all, we not only had time to listen, but partake. The warranted benefit as what I would hope for all others is that I was given the vantage point to hear all voices I cared to listen to. Like many of us, I was given the gift and thus, power of time. I was the happy spectator who seemingly felt fortunate enough to just sit back, listen, and process. And then, inevitably, weeds grew with the wheat.
It is one thing to intellectually debate, even to a level of intelligible mockery. (I’ve always enjoyed a little smart remark here and there- it just keeps a discussion alive, in my opinion.) However, to suggest desire for unity while creating reasons for division drew me to be confused in the safety of my own home. Analogically, it was like I was seeing school fights, not debates. People choosing sides while openly expressing reasons to dislike the opposition. Creating awareness is one thing, but to then go beyond an admonishing approach, suggesting that the opposition is the wrong side, is truthfully threatening to any humankind to me. Defensively, in protection of my heart, mind, and spirit, I felt myself subconsciously going to the fact check: Is this true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable?
I am thankful to confess that I had only slightly fallen into some questionably dark paths of which I found the rightful mind to quickly shake away from and turn back the other way. It’s not easy to stay neutral, I add to admit, especially when you know, have experienced, have felt, and witnessed the very testimonies people have openly divulged for others to hear. Yes. There were (thankfully just) a few times where I was tempted to partake in the discussions, but I performed my own daily exorcisms within me and thus, maintained my neutrality.
I know I’m not the best, if not at all, a good candidate for backing one up who may strongly believe in something. I should admit I never will be. Why? Because I sat many times in that living room when my parents debated for many years. My love, honor, and compassion for both forced me to tame my emotions. Rather, I focused on each of their convictions. I’d like to think that by me not choosing a side, rather taking it upon myself to understand each side, I helped to keep them together until Papa was taken from us by colon cancer. They may not have (ever) agreed on many things, but because both were heard and not judged, they learned to live in civil peace.
As for COVID to blame for global atrocity? Sure. Why not. I look at it this way. In the same way I scold the floor for tripping my child to appease the pain, it is perhaps better to direct our anger at something rather than someone. We already know where that has historically taken us.
After all this TIME, we have yet to look within, perhaps, to take the blame for any division or destruction. It is COVID’s fault, for now. Shame on you, COVID.
