Sadness overcomes me to no longer have dinner or the company of other married couples simply because somewhere along their path in marriage they simply went opposite ways. Call me traditional, but it’s hard for me to have company of one who was ONE with their other. No judgement. Listening to the reasons why people part makes sense in the real world of love and its struggles. People are truly entitled to know their limits and turning points. The tolerance level of each given individual is their ability to wear the shoes before them. If the glass slipper doesn’t fit, you must…
When turning points are not in the game plan for those wanting to see the finish line, however, or that one is willing to take the blisters or just go barefooted to the end, how does one endure the trials and tribulations? Here are some things that have helped me to keep steady in the life of love:
- No one knows your relationship better than you and your partner/husband.
Even experts who have counseled many relationships, one after another, numerous times over and over, don’t make money instantaneously resolving your issue; they are there to mediate, being paid to take everyone’s side who are involved so that each one can be heard. Therapists don’t get paid having solutions. They get paid having a good listening ear with the ability to put words into perspective so that all parties involved can see things from different vantage points. What if, WHAT IF, you actually COULD work to take time to understand each other’s viewpoints without involving a third, fourth, endless party of people into your relationship? WHAT IF you and your husband take a moment to break down your issues, especially those unspoken or unheard of by others outside of closed doors, and really dig deep into matters that are affecting your relationship? What if you make a loving promise, even when momentarily not liking each other, but for the sake of love, to say, “We might not get this down today, but we will work matters out no matter what“? What if you put love, honor, and respect first? What if you actually talk to each other rather than about each other to others, who by the way, are usually thirsty to counsel other people’s lives because they have the answer to all your problems (and not their own). My husband and I did this once. Our counselor was single with no children. My husband and I did this ONCE.
- Let it be others’ endless work to tear you down.
Usually, when you build a gate, fence, or wall to fortify your domain, you identify your intentions- to keep people in or keep people out. In most cases, the reason could be for both. Once understood and you begin to structure, it’s important to understand that those who know they were not meant to be within your gate, fence, or wall will try to do two things: 1) either do everything they can to make sure you never finish so they will always somewhat have access into your domain or 2) do everything they can to destroy your gate, fence, or wall to weaken it or have you lose any fortification you have built for good. If that fortification is complete and you have managed to keep the unwanted and unneeded out, you shouldn’t be the one trying to knock down or tear down your own wall. You simply focus on tending to your garden of love and devotion: water it, tend to it, making sure there is plenty of light around it. Use your energy for what’s inside. If your fence, gate, or wall is fully up, you’re good. Keep this in mind: If your fence, gate, or wall never gets finished or is torn down, examine the cause. Who contributed to the wreckage or destruction? Did you? Anyone inside? You can’t blame those on the outside. Their job is to keep trying. Your job is to keep going.
- You can’t be distracted. He needs you.
This continues on from where we just left off in the previous part. While some are really good at distracting, ultimately you are still at fault for getting distracted. As a mother and educator, while at times I may address the culprit of a situation, most of the time, I find what best works is empowering the one seemingly getting distracted the choice to move away from the distraction or simply use the inner power to ignore. At first this may be some work, but eventually, the perpetrator will stop because when one is given no power, there is no charge. However, most of the time, if we really think about it and are willing to admit, we subconsciously look to blame what’s around us for not having fulfilled our goals and desires. It’s so much easier to blame what’s around us than what is within us. And what should that suggest about your own inner strength? Are you allowing the voices to get to your head? Isn’t your partner or husband hoping and counting that you will not let down your end for your partnership to hold up? If distracted, where lies your focus? Forget the strength of your gate, fence, or wall. How fortified are you?
A briefing on Newton’s laws for the moment to simplify the Law of Physics: 1) There is no change to an object without an act of force; 2) F = ma (force equals mass x acceleration; *I’d like to think of this as – how do we get things to move?); 3) two objects pushing against each other create equal force. So, what are we talking about here and why in the world did I just go from relationships to science? It’s all about energy. What you don’t give power to has no force to work for you or against you. What are you charging up? Endpoint: Charge your own battery.
