I hope I’m not alone in sharing that several times I have taken the time to pick a good watermelon or cantaloupe, whether I am knocking on it, checking for the yellow on the bottom, or wafted the smell for ripeness. And yet, while I may have happily found that indeed the melon was ripe, sadly, at times, the taste was not as sweet as I had hoped.
My analogy here is like that of picking a partner. While there are some things that we may have done right from the start to choose, the humor to relationships is that there is so much more to the discovery of another than just rigidity, color, and scent. In truth and humble acceptance, in the words of Forrest Gump, one of my ultimate favorite movies of all time, “Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” Well, here’s to at least trying to understand the choices we make when choosing a partner.
Below are four questions I believe one should ask themselves to embrace what type of melon, or meaningfully, a man, they have in their life. While a melon can be returned, for a lifelong relationship to take into form, we just have to breathe, take into account what we have, learn to understand what we are working with, in the name of love.
- Do you have a boy or a man?
A boy is just that- a boy. Someone who has yet fully matured into manhood who, fair enough to suggest, still wants to hold onto childish things. Take note that male friends will refer to one another as “boys” while we, the invested partner in the relationship, refer to our counterpart as our “man”. Referencing “man” instead of boy suggests that whom we’ve chosen is one who has now arrived at adulthood-having the desire to take on manly responsibilities, rest assuring those in their circle that if trouble or challenges should arise, they would fight like a man and not hide under their mom’s skirt.
- Do you have a player or a family man?
A player isn’t alone a bad connotation. To be a G.O.A.T. (Greatest Of All Time) is honorable. If you have a Michael Jordan leading your team, you most likely will make it to the finals or win the championship because he is about winning-taking and pushing his team along with him. This player is essentially that family man that only has his mind set on getting his family to the next level, most of the time, doing so at all cost. A player, in this case, is that “other” player. The one where how they play and their game ethics is to be balked upon and thus, cannot be trusted. One minute they are on this team, and the next, they have jumped around to other teams, members on each team relying on him to show up and be about the game they made an impression to be a winner in. If you have taken in this type of player, be prepared that you’ll have to keep working with him just to keep him in the game.
- Do you have a lover or a fighter?
A lover has seemingly been equated to someone soft and passive. Rather, I beg to differ to instead claim that lovers LOVE HARD. Just because one instills fear in those around him by provoking fights doesn’t necessarily lead to an exhibition of strength. One may even see this as hidden fear, a defense mechanism used to push away any potential threat of one’s existence. Hence, a fighter is always tiring themselves to protect, but not necessarily those who rely on their protection; he most likely fights to protect his ego and pride. A lover waits like a lion to strike only when its circle or herd is provoked. While a lion also loves to play and be loved, I’ve never heard anyone suggest a lion to be flimsy and weak.
- Does he love you more or do you love him more?
“I worship him!” I’ve heard this spoken. I really have-several times in my life. Thankfully, those words never came out of my lips for any man who has come my way. While I say “more power to you” for treating your man like a king, I can only hope that in doing so, you have not placed yourself to be in the likes of a peasant or servant. If so, and you stand proud of your likeness, it is your happiness to embrace. However, I believe that a woman should already suggest the message that the burden to prove and protect is that of a man to carry. To subject to this means honor and respect for such a demanding role. In return of such devotion, a man needs to express that all that they fight for and care for is due to the likelihood of their partner’s honor and belief in them. Hence, our very existence gives men purpose to prove and protect what is theirs. Loving us more serves as a reminder to each man in this world of the one who dare stand next to them in times of war, not just peace.
In my video under the same title, I do my best to convey that being a boy, player, or fighter does not necessarily imply a bad nature of a man. Being silly, having a good sense of humor, one who likes to play hard, or fight for what is theirs collectively are good traits. It is when all of a sudden, such traits lead to irresponsibilities or lack of care for those who love them that causes strife in a relationship or one’s circle.
I always say that it is to no one’s business the choices you make. I only add as well that as long as you are happy with your choices, to own them. Complaining about the melons in our lives lead me to believe that Forrest Gump’s mom would only be left to suggest, “You picked it.”
