One of the things I enjoy about my husband is how he regularly sends me messages.
They could be simple but endearing such as a simple Have a great day! or I love you.
Other times, I laugh to myself because within the latest decade of our over thirty years, it’s very telling when he has taken a break to enter into the social media world, sending several my way.
In one of his latest, he decided to share a video clip about a speaker shaming parents who don’t want their children to do better than them.
He comes from understandable shock of betrayal that is unfathomable to even years of processing.
I’m not one to quickly concede, however. Not because I don’t understand (because, I do), but because to move further and ahead throughout my own trials and tribulations of shockwaves, I’ve learned quick forgiveness can be attained by seeing vantage points other than my own.
You do not have to agree to forgive and let go for your sake.
There are the parents who cultivate not just for their children but their children’s children.
There are the children who cause their children to have to start all over again what had been started and hoped to have not just continued but grown and prospered.
Stories have been told to me of my great-grandfather being a “Don”; my grandfather having inherited vast lands; my Papa receiving what was left which he, in turn, shared amongst his siblings upon much told clamor.
When asked who should have the house and land he had left, having he being the youngest to inherit everything and me being the youngest of my siblings, I told Papa I wanted none of it.
I asked that he give it to the one of us who had the least. I pray that my suggestion Papa followed has gone to one who will never let go of what is left.
Perhaps what seed is left will propagate to greater and greatest again.
There are those left with seeds, sprouts, or even fruit trees to reap and sow for many generations to follow.
It only takes one careless generation to have the next generations to follow lose it all.
There are those of us determined to never hunger or be shameful, knowing and having endured both so familiarly well.
There are those, when having been given a good start, desire to keep it going, understanding the importance of growth and prosperity.
Both seek sameness for not just their future but those in their bloodline who may never even know their name.
Both understand the importance of the reaping of tomorrow comes from what is sowed today.
We are willing to forgive and ignore the fallbacks of our careless and thoughtless predecessors, wanting to be convinced they were of pure ignorance or simply lacked knowing better. Up until we come to realize, ignorance don’t have to stay ignorant and lack of knowing better doesn’t mean they can’t, that is.
You pretend at first to not see or feel the setbacks due to destruction around. At times, you act as if you don’t even hear anything negative or wrong. And, then, like a ship that is sinking, you are left to troubleshoot the reason why.
When a boat you row and navigate toward betterment faces atrocious waves and heavy storms, you focus on making it together with those with you.
When the same boat is sinking, only to discover that the cause is due to those on the boat poking holes, that moment of shock is deadening to the body and spirit, draining to the heart and mind.
Staying afloat with those working to move forward with you, you can only hurry to mend all leaking parts to keep going toward still, the focused destination.
One after another, those who see you still going with or without them will go. You simply let them.
You realize you must give your all to those still believing in the destiny.
Just like those who step to the other side who see greener, at sea, your ship may just not be as welcoming to those who do not think much of your navigation.
Some just don’t know, believe in, or think to follow along with you and your vision. How can you truly blame those who lack your vision or see not the same?
After watching the brief clip my husband sent me, I messaged him in return, the following, “I think they did. They just didn’t know exactly how. You and I, regardless, did become better. 💛”
(That gold heart as part of my peace closure as a reminder to myself that my perspective isn’t always taken similarly when responding to others. At times, my husband, included.)
Told many times I always see the good in people and things, I silently hear myself say to me, “Because I have to.”
If we choose to see the world under the eyes of those who think little of us, how will we ever continue to see big?
Although I sensed all the darkness that crept through our doors upon our announcement and celebration to have a fourth one on the way after over a decade of focusing on our first three, the best and last part was yet to blow the minds of the whisperers.
Twelve years after our third and baby girl was born, upon health advise, I gave no thought further to take on the challenge of becoming pregnant again.
To no one else’s exact knowing, only my husband knew that we would not just be having one more, but two, completing our plan long ago of having five altogether.
The health advise may have been directed at me, my husband most concerned that my life would be at stake should I decide to wait longer.
Under my mindset, I knew that the longer I waited, the less likely my heart, mind, body, and spirit would be just as strong. My age for my own well being wasn’t my worry.
If I was going to have one more, one more after was already the next step. I had to bring two more out as we initially planned. We couldn’t let the next be without a sibling to share time and life with.
Feeling to be at the peak of my health and strength, I had to pause on being selfish, focusing on teaching to instead, bring two more into this world, to my quiet knowing, one year after another, at whatever cost.
I was bringing into this world not just another child, but each child, to illuminate a room as great inspiration for others.
I didn’t hope they would each become better than me. I had always believed in my mind that without doubt, they each would become better than me.
God is amazing and each time I looked and stared quietly at each of my naturally born children, I saw an incredible being before me, far beyond what I was ever offered or received in my life.
God gave me each time, exactness, of his perfect sculptures. My husband and I, being the fortunate receivers of such priceless gifts, one at a time.
No bitterness of what I didn’t get. No envy of what others had instead. Pure elation of what I saw in my world as blessings beyond compare. Purest joy of that feeling that life was not just good but great.
My children would have a wonderful start, middle, and end, to me and my husband’s plans and works- the given blessings from our hunger to fill our children’s plates to the fullest by our means.
Then, there’s the world of people who inevitably commingle with your works for great destiny.
I have always felt my steps have always been watched. The older I get, even more. Perhaps this feeling started upon Papa remarking, “If you do anything wrong, don’t fear the police. Fear me.”
Those words had been spoken to me after my beloved brother, John, must have told him to talk to me when my elementary classmate, Antonio, had told me my brother chased him down the street upon seeing him stop to talk me and I was asked to go inside.
After Papa also left, I started to grow in me a sense of pride and joy that both, even with my youngest sister and other ancestors, now get to look down upon both me and my husband’s every move.
If ever I have put up a show, surely it wasn’t for those here in this world; it was for all those who I hear applauding me from above, proudly exclaiming, “She’s one of ours!”
Up there, they know my name and they smile upon every positive mark my husband and I have made in this world.
As for the marks of my children? Even more.
For my grandchildren? Even greater than more.
For, one day, my husband and I will join those above cheering us on now. When those endless times arrive, I want to be looking down upon each of our bloodline, whispering like giants in their ears, “You’ve got this!”
I want to celebrate light even when I no longer can illuminate my very own here, in this world.
When the time arrives I must go, I will simply pass on my torch.
I’d like to think that such decision has to be with great thought, like passing an heirloom down to the next one in line who you will trust to cherish it and wear it or carry it with honor.
I sadly embrace that not everyone, if even at times, anyone, celebrates your celebrations here, with you.
The verse I’m reminded of whenever I need to find peace and understanding for this one– ‘A prophet is not without honor, except in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house.’
I laugh to arrive at coming to realize, however, I don’t need to care whether others in this world do or don’t.
Those watching above are the giants watching me, carrying pride, honor, and care for what I continue to become.
I celebrate my celebrations. And, so do all those I hear in my heart, in my mind, in my body, and in my spirit.
Oh, how they cheer!
Are you celebrating with me my celebrations?
That’s okay if you don’t. I’ve got a heavenly-full who already do.
I’m not the only one who feels this way. Take a read at the message placed on the Mobile Mayan Food Truck:
I am here because of those who came before us, they saw this day many generations ago and without hesitation they said, “let’s go!” So they went, crossing the big river, navigating the desert, thirsty, tired, and hungry. Missing those they left behind, knowing they may never see them again. Why? Because they saw this day and had me on their mind knowing we would never meet, but still they said, “let’s go!” I am here because of those who came before me, those who saw me before my mother’s eyes did, I am here because they went.
Bendiciones a mi gente,
Dahvee Enciso
