I recently said to my husband I have no fear.
He corrected me right away, pointing out that he has seen me show fear in several occasions.
Over thirty years with someone next to you can do that- you know. Have your truth pointed out to you.
Youch. That’s my word for Yes (you are right and I stand corrected) but Ouch! Did that sting to have to hear it!
He had me thinking until the next day.
What have I feared? Has it truly been acts of fear at all? And, most importantly, if so, why?
The comfort to my husband’s truth is how he added that we all have different reactions to everything. This, I know.
I have seen worries in my husband’s face. And, yet, has that been fear, too?
How can we really tell?
Hence, I reflect upon his words.
Fear is not what I want to mindfully acknowledge. While this does not equate to not knowing, I don’t believe anyone should allow their fears to surface in position of sight of heart and mind unless only for the sole purpose- to overcome.
Why?
Indeed, I know I have fears. They are unspoken, even to me, I believe, however.
To even conjure the very thoughts of what would be my most greatest and genuine fears, even as so little of a glimpse, leads me to look away from them.
I know they exist. I just cannot let them stop me from moving forward.
I protect that child within me.
It is in the deepest core where I see the child in me placed in a corridor, told to not come out until all are safe.
That child in there awaits. Although aware and keen to understanding truth, it must remain protected from the harms of the world.
The child has seen it. The child has known it. The child is much aware.
Outside of those corridors, this child has already been well rehearsed of the unwanted outcomes.
Time will tell when all are good. Time. Until then, the child can dance and play within its shelter.
This child moves about within this corridor, light-footed, full of utmost glee, free from any harmful inflictions, unstoppable in its world. In purity of joy and peace, this child remains protected.
It must. This child.
Fear must stay out.
That door must remain closed for fear lurks around the premises to enter.
My learned lessons are that the moment your heart, mind, body, or spirit lets fear in, it is the moment where you no longer control your world. Fear takes over.
True fear holds you hostage.
True fear does not wait for your permission to react.
True fear laughs at your innocence and peace as you sense both being wrapped momentarily around its fingers, toying now with your heart, mind, body, and spirit.
Fear is not false evidence appearing real, as I stand corrected to have agreed with others in the past.
There is being afraid and then, there is fear.
Afraid, to me, is being scared and yet, entertaining the possibility of allowing what is about to happen.
For crying out loud, I am still afraid of what shall lurk to terrify me within orchestrated haunted houses. And, yet, I will pay the cost to go through, closing my eyes (more than) half the time while giggling to calm myself to the finish.
True fear, on the other hand, causes you to not be on its same side.
If it be on the other side of the door, you not only keep the doors locked but make no commotion for it to find you.
True fear is this immediacy of understanding that nothing good will come of what faces you unless something stops it. That something may not be able to be you.
True fear is the understanding that at a given moment, it may very well have the position and power to control you, leaving you immobile and powerless at most. Weakest and limp, at the least.
The test of what you are willing to risk, let go, lose, or unwantingly gain if you should go forth to accept, endure, or go through the challenge becomes clearly before you- factual evidence absolutely real before your eyes.
Heights?
Spiders?
Speaking up?
People?
These fears can be overcome when one holds determination, one step toward overcoming it at a time.
True fear? You most likely do not know its name when it comes standing right before you. Still, you will know its name once the terror has been completed.
Damage. Destroy. Destruction.
The impact will most likely be permanence to the heart, mind, body, and spirit. You know this. Hence, you speak of true fear none to no one.
My husband said nothing of what he has seen in me to fear. Respectfully, I neither wanted to acknowledge his recollections nor did he seemingly want to reexpose me to them.
Interestingly, he mentioned me standing still and not moving. Thus, I must have feared, for sure.
I have shared with him moments in my life before our years together where to this day, I recollect freezing before reacting.
And, yet, ask me what happened next and all I see is black.
True fear can do that- call upon your angels to do the rest. Only the part you speak of is the testimony of its truth.
Anxiety? Thou Feareth. To Hover Over Until Fake Evidence Allows Reality Exactly To Happen.
You ever worry of something over and over and when it comes to reality, you tell yourself you knew it would?
Of course.
You created the thought.
You rehearsed the occurrences.
You worked toward exactness.
The somewhat heroic satisfaction is getting to where you repeatedly thought to arrive.
And, yet, you created the destiny and drive into it.
There is hardly any control, if any at all, when it comes to true fear.
True fear has this innate grasp of your heart, mind, body, and spirit.
Then, there is anxiety. Anxiety is my self-proclamation of What ifs.
I am most certain my husband has witnessed me in my times of anxiety.
Thou feareth. Thou feareth again. And, well, why not? Again.
Allow me to further reflect.
To denote from New Oxford American Dictionary, anxiety– n. a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something uncertain about an outcome.
The key words there, to me, are imminent and uncertain.
Anxiety to me, is the “What if?” mental scenarios played in our minds that keep us up, keeps us jittery instead of still, keeps us all together, worried about what hasn’t actually happened but could.
Seeing a child play recklessly with a choking hazard next to us, another mother at a sporting event sitting next to me couldn’t help but continue to tell me how she was feeling anxious from watching, wanting to stop the child but knowing she would be out of place in doing so.
I completely understood this mom’s behavior and her needed desire to stop what was placing her at unrest. She was not afraid or exhibiting any fear, just uneasiness of what could happen to the child I was now smiling at so as to calm down with my unspoken but sent off energy.
When differentiating between true fear and anxiety, is not the big difference in this comparative sense, time and permission?
Anxiety provides us so much TIME to think of a What if? scenario over and over again.
True fear just breaks through the door, breeches in and takes over that very moment in time where seconds ago , you could have been laughing and having the time of your life.
I believe this is why when I looked up the word worry, when used as a noun, the dictionary denoted worry as a state of anxiety and uncertainty over actual or potential problems.
Take note that anxiety was used to so describe worry and not fear.
When recently sharing with my husband accounts during my adolescence of where I most definitely had reason to truly fear, worry had to instantaneously change to action.
You don’t ask for your truest fears to happen. In fact, they are a stranger to you until they barge in. At that moment, you just react.
Fight. Flight. Freeze.
Your body freezes. However, your mind takes over and fights. And, then, when able, you take flight, in heart, mind, body, or spirit.
With anxiety, you quite contrarily surrender, stay put, and melt into your thoughts where then, your heart, body, and spirit begin to believe your very mind leading each to a disarray of realities.
Whether something is real or made up, we can find a way to get our mind to worry.
This is why anxiety is otherwise known as general anxiety disorder.
Disorder.
A state of confusion.
A state.
Of confusion.
Fear in the same tense is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
This, to me, is the energy or message someone or something gives us.
Ever see a child begin to cry at the sight of a clown?
Stranger danger.
True fear?
Did you have to had seen or met a clown to be afraid of one?
And, then, there’s that fed anxiety that has turned into fear.
Ever come to find a student who at all other times jokes and plays around with other kids their age but just as soon as you ask them to read aloud, they have lost all ability to speak or hardly move?
Anxiety?
I mean, must one have had to act out a failure to fear failure again?
Or, is having thought about the possibility of failure over and over enough to hold a person hostage from ever trying to prove themselves wrong?
In my golden years, do I understand anxiety and fear?
You don’t have to fear to be anxious.
You don’t have to be anxious to fear, retrospectively.
And, yet, your anxieties can definitely manifest itself into your truest fear. Yes?
Your truest fears, once known, can also manifest into anxieties. Yes?
When did we decide to fear heights? Spiders? People?
As a famous line from a movie once stated, “What did I ever do to you?”
Did the fear come from experience or mindful convincing?
Even in alll of my forewarns I can think of, matter of choice and freedom to decide on their own on how to be and become will be up to me.
.
Fear of heights freezes your legs from moving, immobilizing you from the mind down.
Fear of people freezes you from stepping out, locking up your body from taking even, at times, a mental step to try.
Fear of succeeding freezes you from trying, taking the spirit to a lockdown of any emotions wanting to believe you can and thus, will.
Fear of love freezes the heart to where it is cold and rigid, wanting only the comfort of staying solid and not soft.
I sometimes wonder how would a superhuman address such instances- where one would have to choose to move forth or retreat, turn away, and run.
There would be no amygdala to disconnect or rid of when one holds none.
What if the mind prepared to face and conquer their truest fears ahead so as to know how to react if ever the day shall come.
What if?
