I would like to believe it is not that people don’t know love or happiness.
I, instead, have come to arrive that there are those who just don’t understand your individually defined language of love and happiness.
Perhaps difficult to accept or grasp, emotional language, I arrive to, is a culmination of how the heart, mind, body, and spirit make sense of what they hear, see, smell, taste, and feel.
This could be why to fully communicate the internal can be challenging and difficult.
The inside is felt, not seen. Emotionally. What I, as I do, suggest as energy in motion. In trying to describe an absolute emotion, at an exact given moment, another energy of motion leaps into motion, creating a compilation of energies in motion in one ally. (I did that… emotionally.)
And, sadly, while there were those sure to have understood love and happiness, the damages of life’s strikes in walks of life (one ally after another), delivered confusion to distress or to eventual destruction.
To my almost golden years of reflection and perhaps confession, the only time I have questioned my love and happiness is under the senses of others.
The water of love and happiness is so clear to me upon my gaze whilst no interruption of its currents take place.
I can see clearly the serenity of what love and happiness encompasses and entails in my world of solitude or protected confinement.
In the comfort of my own home, I find peace and tranquility- no regulations of the world on how to be or how to become.
In the comfort of my home, it’s as if even though I planned a straight path to fulfilling all tasks I have set before me, I am able to stop at different exits as I do please- no one telling me otherwise.
Of course, there is my husband and children, but they are my innermost world- no one else compares to that realm of togetherness.
We could be one moment watching a movie while enjoying baked cookies or simply cracking inside jokes- our language of love and happiness.
We could be falling asleep on the carpet floor, after a family night of watching rentals or repeats, not caring about time- no one daring to correct our ways, our language of love and happiness.
The definition of our love and happiness, our own language- no other need understand or comprehend.
As in the movie, Avatar, would say it, I see you.
Those whom I have beautifully and wonderfully brought into this world with the one whom I have blessedly partnered with to bring them in understand such language.
As I have mentioned in previous reflections, I couldn’t wait to play house.
Why?
I realize now it was mainly because I could define what a home within a house should be.
I heard so many wonderful stories of how not only did Mama and Papa bring happiness to all of us, their children, but other children as well- being able to create gatherings and provide gifts for others as well.
They had a home, a gas station, a bakery, and even a dormitory before my time.
My own recollections held onto only stories told, not personally remembered.
By the time I had my own family, I was set to define the meaning of my surroundings, protective in all manner, determined to shield our children from any repeat of uncontrollable circumstances.
All is well when the roads go one way and hardly anyone else shares your path as you go about your day.
There is time to smell the fresh air and admire the trees, even those that don’t change color, each standing strong in their stance.
And, just like my husband and I have taken note of our own city to have grown in population, we reminisce of times before where we could drive down the main roads with no obstruction of traffic- a smooth and open drive from one end to the other without thought of fighting for space and hurried time.
You could change lanes without signaling for who would be there to care or witness.
You could gently halt at a stop sign before continuing forth since idling any longer would hardly make sense.
You could take your time to move about between the red, yellow, and green lights without feeling the sense of some inadvertent race or exchange of turns.
Space provides ease of heart, mind, body, and spirit.
Such moment of time is yours to own.
Your love, your happiness, have clearly been found and well-defined without hardly spoken words.
While many hope for a straight road, all full of beautiful, colorful trees to surround them while moving about a path, feeling a breeze in your face, endlessly laughing and smiling about, between jokes and stories, there is this abundance in you that vulnerably thinks to share your world.
So, you give. You give way for others to join in.
What damage could that do?
After all, the more, the merrier. Right?
You continue to love.
You continue to love hard. And, then, this daunting feeling enters inside where while you seem to love harder, simultaneously, love seems to be getting harder.
You love to a point where even when you feel the air to change, thinking an unseen storm to come, you still smile and laugh with those you would easily die for, your partner for life and children, in my case.
You are happy to share your togetherness with others.
You believe all understand the language of love and happiness you had so worked to define.
The lexicons, complete in your world, linguistically understood by those in your foundational realm.
You are happy to be surrounded by the happiness you see.
You have never thought to have your love and happiness be put to question. After all, those who understood your language understood you.
And, yet, the inside jokes no longer are understood by all those who have been allowed to enter your world.
What was once so pure and simple to hear, see, smell, taste, and feel becomes tampered with this urgent sixth sense- that gut feeling that tells you there is an imbalance in the air.
Wanting all who you’ve allowed to enter your world to feel the love and happiness you’ve so worked hard to create and maintain, you try and inspire those seemingly confused or unclear around you.
You sprinkle golden dust of light wherever you can, not wanting to openly admit that you are ill-prepared to teach the language of love and happiness you have only mastered with your love ones without much effort.
This new attempt to please all creates a sense of unexpected surge of needed energy from you, as you silently begin to question, Why?
How did the road all of a sudden become seemingly jam-packed, full of people not just driving on the same road as you, but now telling you how you should move about, in which direction, even at what time?
The colorful trees you so used to be mesmerized by are hardly noticed in your peripheral, the evergreens neglected and forgotten even more.
You try and tell yourself that all are well. The kindness of your heart, the thoughts of your mind, the actions of your body, and the feels of your spirit led you into the right direction with your family.
Which direction?
Where are we going with all these on the road with us, expressing dislike, disapproval, and desire for discontinuity of the language of love and happiness we have only known to speak?
How much more does the road have to widen before you realize, you simply can’t put everybody in within the same space?
That was my awakening moment of reflection.
The so clearly understood love and happiness were now presented to you as confusing to others.
It hit me- I had been completely fluent in my own understanding of love and happiness.
Why was I crowding my heart, my mind, my body, and my spirit to think otherwise?
There were no questions asked back at the start. Why the triggers of questions now?
Why the need to explain love and happiness to others?
Do not those who see you already know and understand?
Must I change my language to fit yours?
Why? For whom?
Has not been my peace my piece?
The language of love and happiness- created roots need not be understood, and most importantly, not changed by others.
In light of understanding, we can only speak the language we know and understand.
It is in hope, those who stand in distance, if they should be inspired or have the desire, they, too, will understand.
Until then, the language of your love and happiness has not changed for those who truly see you.
