Focusing on the finish is easy when disciplined.
This is not to say that hard times trying to knock one down is also easy to handle. A hard rock thrown at you or you being submerged under water can still hurt or drown anyone.
Those focused on the finish are not super-repellent to danger. There are no superpowers of the persevering.
When you have made up your mind you must and thus, will, you do.
The difference between one that doesn’t and one that does is one will finish while one will not with the hope one day, not too late, a start will begin (and, keep going).
I recall my friend from high school who was at our university dining hall giving out flyers for some party. He knew I had a child already at that time and so presented the flyer to me with respect and understanding, wanting to still acknowledge my presence.
I didn’t go, of course. I definitely had my family to tend to just as soon as I was done with my classes and returned home each day.
That same classmate stopped by to congratulate me prior to my Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Teacher’s Certification graduation walk.
As he was giving me kind words, it hit me that although I would have thought for both of us to walk the same year as we did in high school, he was wearing his normal civilian clothes with no cap and gown in sight. My “thank you” was completely immersed with the comprehensive message that he would not be taking this new phase completion walk with me, at least not at the same time.
Good natured and affable, I always knew this classmate of mine to having all the attention one would need to receive the support on campus. Being accepted and liked had not been an issue for him to have the environmental means to finish.
In fact and perhaps, such belongingness is what got him so comfortable to which he felt at ease to finish when he felt the time.
I never felt like I belonged. You have to accept this and embrace this as a female, immigrant, minority who falls on the bottom end of the financial bracket. There is no denying where you would find yourself if you allowed such to be labels of your pushbacks or downfalls.
As a female, you have been questioned in the science and physical departments.
As an immigrant, you have been looked down upon by others, even (and sometimes, especially) those who think to be above you having had a head start on assimilating.
As a minority, you have been undermined by the majority (on repeat).
This is you. Own it. Accept it. Add having found your family to be extremely low income and the heart, mind, body, and spirit must be an overcomer to where this hard work and determination gets mislabeled as overachiever.
You overachieve to overcome. Eventually, you will overcome many things in life with given merit to having been such an overachiever.
Where I was not a straight-A student academically, within every one of those seasons, I would have given myself straight As for making life at best and gaining skills to survive.
I learned early while race and creed can be reasons to discriminate, envy sees only greener grass on your side; envious people are after your grass (no misspell there).
Whose grass should you be watching?
(Again, no misspell there.)
The only way to keep winning is to race against yourself, utilizing the voices of doubt trying to take you down with hopes to break you as the natural combustion power to push you through and forward.
I believe having left the only childhood home I knew to attend a sum of six different elementary schools by the time I found myself moving onto two different schools in junior high, to finally find a four-year settlement in one in high school, helped me to push myself away from self-pity.
Sure. There were the direct remarks of why I should have not made it or why I should not have even tried. I can post those faces in my memory if they needed to have such acknowledgment, but why?
As my husband tells me, I have the tendency to filter out things I don’t want to remember. He is not the first to suggest this about me.
I don’t think anyone should suffer for other people’s mistakes.
I recall reading a children’s story of Ruby Bridges’ life as the first African American child to attend a then, all-white school.
My favorite part of the story was where she had stopped to turn around and look at all those still protesting against her rightful attendance. When asked what she was doing, she noted that she had forgotten to pray earlier- pray for all those who, in lesser words, knew no better.
I never judged my high school classmate, although his life seemingly looked more resourceful than mine, for not finishing on time with me. I am in no doubt that although I did not see him at our last high school reunion, he is living his life in the pace he has always wanted to live.
My pace has always been different. Upon grasping the understanding of the term, autonomous, I knew this was and always had been me.
I have been racing against myself, all the odds chasing me, for a very long time.
I was fortunate to have found a partner who shared the same mentality of life, love, and liberty.
While having passed by opportunities to be with someone coming from fairly affluent families, somehow I didn’t see this as promising enough.
One’s own character would be the final say as to how I saw my future with that person. That promising future to accomplish, goal after goal, is what I am thankful to have found in my husband.
Money can be lost if not handled well. We have seen the comparisons from the Rockefeller to the Vanderbilt families to serve as a reminder.
Character of the heart, mind, body, and spirit outlives and will outdo any possibly ephemeral circumstances.
“Give a man a fish, he can eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he can eat for a lifetime.” I believe this was my mindset of a partner before I even heard of this quote.
Partnership is not easy. I have defensively told my husband that it is not as if I get my nails done and just sit around. I am completely devoted to doing my own part.
Holding each other accountable seems to feel like an endless feat at times when the only option is to keep going even after one milestone, great or small, has been crossed.
When accomplishing goals is a hunger, the feeding is one dive into the sea for a fish at a time, knowing that there are countless beneath the waters; the one willing to go under and get wet over and over gets the most fish after training for so long on how and when.
Focus.
There are those we have respectfully moved away from seeing that they were not part of the plan to move ahead.
While I could enjoy the parties and the social building, wastes in life take place during these time consumptions.
Why?
Yes. Investing in true friendships are important. Including my husband and the priceless moments he and I have shared with our five children, I have always been okay with having one or two more to enter that realm of our life together.
Why more?
Investing time in other people who have nothing to contribute to your family goals will just be a siphoning of energy, energy that must be preserved and used for growth and prosperity.
When you have a mission, everything that does not include such mission must be let go.
When a boat is starting to fill with water, crewmen must release of anything on the boat that is unnecessary to lighten the weight in able to prevent the ship from sinking.
Those who complain about being let go or left out is to be understood as to why disparity is felt.
Those who remain must understand that there is still work to be done to keep the ship moving forward.
Mixing the two would be like sharing what you value with those who can’t wait to steal, kill, and destroy.
Why the gamble to where the one that possibly could support all in the end would be destroyed before ever finishing?
Yours must continue to be navigated toward the direction it need be to arrive at destinations need be traveled and marked.
You just can’t expect those left out to understand. Your works will benefit them, too. Just perhaps not now.
A grounded bird’s perspective is different from the perspective of an eagle who have rested on mountaintops.
Still, while there is much more to roam in the air, there is this responsibility to make certain goals are met daily while being careful to not be taken down.
The air in the sky is only splendid and beautiful until maimed or brought to one’s demise.
There is always work to be done to survive to the end of one’s purpose.
There are just those who have either never been clear with what their purpose is or have simply given up to even seek to meet any further desire.
Those who have that mentality to keep going keep on. To stop and explain to those who have already quit or are seemingly satisfied with where they are will only provide reason to stop.
If stopping is part of the plan, then halt. Otherwise, know that those rooting for you will push you forward and further ahead.
When it comes to planning, I am for now and the near-future. My husband, on the other hand, will create a matrix envisioning where each of us in the family would be or should be in ten years, just to start.
It’s an interesting balance.
I see the strength and benefit in both. While we both keep each other on our toes to do our parts, we also remind one another to stop and smell the flowers in moments of peace and earned glory.
There is no guarantee of what tomorrow will be like. However, this should never, ever deter or discourage one from planning.
Doing the do is all in the mindset of everything being part of a whole adventure.
As a mother, I recall thinking through what the next children’s party would be like to the tee of events and what would be served. I didn’t, however, like on one Halloween event, did not plan on my costume to emit light through it as I stood in my family room with the sun streaming in from behind me. It was only when one of my wonderful neighbors whispered to me of their interesting view.
I calmly and quickly (after laughing at myself) grabbed a cardigan to stop any light from further disrupting the party.
My focus was on my children and their friends.
On a Fun Run our school had, it was important I run with my youngest child of our first three as she was nearly ending her last year in middle school with me. Having had my fourth just months earlier, I hadn’t planned on such a weak bladder.
I kept running to finish. I must have embarrassed my daughter, seeing the wet, semi-circle line widen in between my legs as I kept on. Little did she know, I have attended school many days in wet clothes.
I was going to finish a run like I’d finished many days.
Having had no birthdays or events to hardly celebrate growing up, my plan as a mother has always been simple: fill your children’s memories with everything you possibly can. My children may never know until many children of their own later that a 1 1/2 hour birthday party took a month or so to plan out, in heart, mind, body, and spirit.
When I plan for my students, they have no idea that I am weeks ahead in planning on my calendar.
Planning ahead allows me to craft what has already been essentially blue-printed in the way I’d like to carry it through.
With my husband foreseeing the future for the family, the balance between here and now and where we are heading to next and why has that sense of balance and completion.
You walk with walkers. You run with runners. You fly with those who know how or can and will find a way to fly with you.
However you will get to finish and who will arrive with you, the practice of staying focused will have paid off.
