You think to do the right. Interesting how no matter your belief that the world is filled with only goodness to return, there is yet another matter to prove you are unfortunately mistaken.
At my children’s sporting events, I sometimes am the one to collect each participant’s entry fee to give to the event coordinator. I’m not a proponent of this way of finalizing registration as cash is collected. This isn’t so bad if the fee to collect per participating child is only as little as a dollar, but that’s not always the case.
Depending on how many we have participating, the collection of fees can go from a few to numerous, multiplying amount collected per participant to sum up a heavy total at times. I not only make certain to either have a paper with every participant’s name on the roster or track all paid on my phone until I have collected all fees, but I find myself with great eagerness to immediately make the team payment so as to absolve myself of the task, freeing myself of fees entrusted to me.
When trusted, it is important to hold the honor with great respect and care. Parents around me may not have caught onto this, but I make sure to be transparent in collecting the cash so as to use those watching as witness. To rid of human err, I track my count time to time, asking a parent or two to run the names with me. As a challenge, I tell myself I must accountably cover any difference if an error on my behalf were to occur.
Sometimes, if a parent is nowhere to be found, I find it easier to pay for their child up front so as to not wait another moment longer. Just as soon as rosters have been finalized, I have every desire to quickly make the team payment.
With cash payments, it is wise to make certain that you get a signed paper stating payment in full has been made. Trusting others as I trust myself, there is this passivity that overtakes at times, especially in just being thankful to see kids out and active once again following the pandemic.
Children events should give you the impression there is no need to be mistrusting. When good occurrences happen one after another, thankful to be a part of togetherness where the love for children is central, you trust good will always continue and will always be. There should be no need to worry. So, you do your part in peace.
I readied myself to make the team payment just as soon as I knew all registration had closed. After making sure with another parent all payments were collected, I got up to finalize the task. Due to my eagerness, the following were parts I should have held back on, but didn’t:
- the person who took the payment noted they weren’t the main one in charge, but would take the payment
- following the cross-referencing of those registered on our team and the amount counted as total owed, a written note on the event roster stating “paid in full- cash” sufficed my needing spirit to finalize the transaction, walking away without anything signed
It wasn’t until when my husband received a message that there was missing amount of payment from our team a few days to follow, I had this “I told you so” moment overtake my heart, mind, body, and spirit. I had thought nothing else of the day. The event was like any other event we’ve attended child after child to follow for over two decades.
While I’d like to think I handled the general report of a missing full payment in good manner, the reported amount stated that was given is what made me think, “Did anyone to suggest this even think this through?” All payments were collected and thus, paid in increments of twenties. The collected report ended in an odd dollar amount. Even my husband admitted he thought that to be odd.
I asked my husband to have the registrar look for the paper stating “Paid in full-cash” in which thankfully, they had found that paper. My husband later told me he had offered to pay the discrepant amount owing to which I was in quiet agreement with the response that it would not be necessary. The documented report clearly suggested the payment had been fully given- recorded and stated.
If there was documentation to specifically state all had been paid and the amount missing therefore happened thereafter, either two things happened, Claim 1: no one counted the amount (counted and cross-referenced with number of participants right before the acting registrar wrote, “Paid in full-cash”) or Claim 2: a mere conspiracy between the person who took the payment and I took place (I couldn’t pick the person from a line-up). Again, had anyone thought this through?
Here is the deal with such moments of wrongful report, however. You feel as if you did everything in your power to do right and still, somehow, you are still led to be under questionable suspicion. It doesn’t matter that there was a note stating your truth. A different perspective had already surfaced within conversations of those involved. Judgment of your character has been placed on the table for anyone to dine on. People get hungry and thus, eat.
You breathe. You take it in. You know your truth exonerates you from any ill-doing. However, you also know that someone had thrown a curve ball your way and while it didn’t hit you, somehow you feel there are those wishing it should have or that they imagined it did, deeming you guilty regardless.
When you get these moments in life, what perhaps could have been meant to weaken you actually develops into greatest strength for you.
Anytime someone has wronged me, instigators are quick to suggest that I stand up for myself and say or do something to my defense. My thought, on the other hand is, to be on the defense means there was a battle in the first place. I do not draft myself into such attempts of other’s hopes and efforts to have me fall into their entrapment. No good should have to. Good figs and bad figs need not mix.
There is victory in not fighting a battle when essentially in your righteousness you have already won.
Running into people who you learn will find a way to place any blame on you have a way to gather believers with them because let’s face it, there are those who commiserate with darkness as part of their living ritual. There is no escape in being a target if the lens are set upon you. Drones exhibit this. Missiles exhibit this. Satellites exhibit this. Great minds who thus have participated or partaken in creating such innovations have developed such very command. To aim at a target is to attack. The right armor up with what we have been given:
The belt of truth.
The breastplate of righteousness.
The shoes of the gospel of peace.
The shield of faith.
The helmet of salvation.
The sword of the spirit.
Simply put from early on in Psalms 7:10, “My defence is of God, which saveth the upright in heart.”
It is quite a silence, really, to not fight darkness, to not avenge evil, to not meddle with the herd of swine filled with spirits of Legion. Embrace the silence.
There will always be attempts to take you down. No matter how good you are, the truth is easily denied by those who have been consumed with the belief and conviction that you simply cannot be as good as you seem.
I recall putting on my very first two-piece swimsuit I had happily purchased on my own, having worked at a grocery store in my neighborhood after school and weekends during high school. My best friend and I excitedly walked to another friend’s house close to the water where there would be boat races for the day. Just as soon as I walked in, wearing nothing but the two-piece swimsuit (the innocence back then of embracing your becoming!), thinking we would all just be girls inside, I quickly was taken by surprise to see our friend’s older sister and whom she then introduced as her boyfriend upon entry. She could have just said “hello”, but instead, she introduced me to her boyfriend by my name followed with a very demeaning term, something that I knew (and she knew) I wasn’t. I never said a word back. Something told me her words came from her own discomfort, not mine. I knew my truth.
Years later, I ran into this same person, this time, she talking to me with greatest kindness. While not asking for an apology, I don’t recall her saying “sorry”, but her actions and attempt to ease any tension she might have felt built between us I quickly dissolved with returned kindness. In my thoughts, regardless of how she felt, I had always been the bigger and better spirit between us two. My silence, in all those years, had always spoken louder than words.
Years lead to unwanted, unanticipated run-ins with words and actions intended to hurt or perhaps, destroy, but accept each with gratitude, knowing all feed strength and wisdom to make you better and stronger.
No one is perfect, I tell myself. I’m a work in progress, moulded each day in hopes to get that masterpiece in the end right like all others. Keep in mind, however, though deemed a masterpiece, cynics exist to find a flaw in anyone. Could it be that these very same cynics are those who sadly have sold or traded parts of theirselves to a point where they know no matter what they add back, who they were, a return back to their innocence, will never be?
To feel the masterpiece you will become, there must be progress and work toward it now and each day. No matter the tampering that may happen- clay can be moulded to the end until the very time to harden. Until then, the structure of you must be from the belief and drive within to get it right in the end. Be sure to not lose any of your parts to the world as no matter how many times you are twisted, bent, or maybe even broken, you will still have all of you at the end. Keep that spirit of goodness strong.
As I have started to analogize light and dark with my students per year, we all carry a bucket of green balls or red balls. To explain here, while all of us started with green balls at birth, we have unfortunately caught and exchanged our green balls for red ones throughout time. Perhaps not intentionally as a child because while those around were trying to rid of their own, we innocently held on or caught some we weren’t meant to carry. As adults, however, we should know better.
Teaching accountability starts with admitting to your truths. Those who are of truth should not have to spend energy calling out other people’s otherwise. We have to focus on dodging any red balls being thrown at us, aware that they will come at all angles, aimed to even hit us from behind at times.
Those who have lied about you meant to harm, hurt, or even, sadly, destroy you. Yes. However, your armor has left you shielded. The truth always prevails. Those who consume themselves with hate for you, when you don’t falter, greater hate only grows. It’s as if they know you have dodged or thrown out all the red balls they’ve thrown at you. That greater hate creates only anger, doing everything in their power to convince anyone around them to join in throwing all red at you with the hopes you will lose all your green.
While you do not have to trade in your light for their darkness, each time you see them, acknowledge them if not with a greeting and a smile (because even the righteous have a hard time dealing righteously with the unrighteousness), with a silent prayer. While the unrighteous may not look at you with sincerity or even look your way, your presence has sent a message to them what they already know. You are triumphantly victorious in repelling their attempts to give you their darkness.
With your peace and kindness, they may catch that green ball you’ve thrown them. Think. It is the hope that as each green ball you throw, they may eventually run out of space for any red ones. Do not deplete yourself in the hopes, however. Could it be there are those who know only red?
Light cannot be defeated by darkness unless there is no light at all. Do not extinguish or lose your light. Keep shining bright.
To whomever I gave that payment to at that last sporting event, look out. I just threw you one of my green balls.
Catch.
